EP104: Three Ways to Know It’s Time to Quit Your Job: Lessons from an Overstayed Welcome

About the Host:

In this episode, Toby Brooks, a speaker, author, professor, and forever student, shares his reflections on life experiences that have shaped his journey. With expertise in inspiring growth and personal development, Toby engages audiences with his unique perspective on navigating life's transitions. 

Episode Summary:

In this engaging episode of "Becoming Undone," Toby Brooks takes the audience on a nostalgic journey back to his childhood, recounting vividly the memorable birthday parties of his close-knit friend group. Through masterful storytelling filled with humor and warmth, Toby reflects on how those formative experiences shaped his life, eventually tying them into valuable life lessons. The episode captivates listeners with intriguing anecdotes and relatable sentiments about friendship, change, and personal growth.

Delving deeper into the narrative, Toby uses the metaphor of a birthday party to explore the concept of knowing when it's time to move on from various life situations such as careers, relationships, and environments. Using his Top 3 Ways to Know It's Time to Quit Your Job, he offers actionable insights into self-awareness and decision-making, infused with SEO-relevant terms like career paths and personal development. Whether it's being the last guest at a birthday party or realizing a career has soured, Toby artfully connects these moments to themes of self-discovery, illustrating the subtle yet profound signals that indicate the necessity of change.

Key Takeaways:

• Lifelong friendships often form during pivotal moments in childhood, creating lasting memories and influencing personal development.
• Recognize the signs of when it's time to move on by examining the facts, assessing your environment, and listening to your inner voice.
• Understanding the feeling of overstaying your welcome can provide valuable lessons in career and life transitions.
• Self-awareness and adaptability are crucial in navigating career shifts and finding fulfillment.
• Embrace change as a pathway to growth and discovering new opportunities that align with personal evolution.

Notable Quotes:

• "All share some common signs that we can learn from."
• "Is your work still meaningful? Are you treated with respect? Are you seeing growth?"
• "Do they share your values and vision? Or is there a growing divide?"
• "How do you really feel? Often, we already know the answer."
• "Sometimes, finally leaving the party is the first step toward finding something even better."

Discover the fullness of Toby's reflections by listening to the entire episode and staying engaged with future content. Toby's insights and storytelling will leave you eager to explore further episodes of "Becoming Undone."

Transcript

0:00:04 - (Toby Brooks): This is becoming undone. It was one of the highlights of my kid year. Throughout the school year, my friend group would all host birthday parties. For some reason, no one out of my friend group, now that I think about it, had a fall birthday. But in January, first it was Brian Baker, then me, then Chip McElharney in February, Mark Jones in March, and if I remember right, Jared Jackson in April. For better or for worse, the five of us were a squad. We were a group, a crew.

0:00:38 - (Toby Brooks): It seemed like none of us did everything together, but all of us did some things together, if that makes any sense. There were T ball and eventually baseball teams, Cub Scouts, field trips in our youth, then later, especially in high school, banana and basketball, and a few campouts where the drinks flowed freely and for some reason a bootlegged copy of 2 Live Crew on cassette played on auto reverse for hours.

0:01:17 - (Toby Brooks): I'll go ahead and admit that while I never did the drinking part and my primary job was to keep my friends out of the campfire, I took a lot of pride in knowing every word of that album by heart. We can't be perfect, I guess. But before college and career and life in general pulled that friend group apart, there were always the birthday parties. Some unforgettable late 80s early 90s memories were had at the rotating annual birthday parties.

0:01:44 - (Toby Brooks): Brian lived in town, which meant he lived walking distance to a gas station. One year we walked to the convenience store, bought candy and Mountain Dews, and played Matt Mania, a wrestling arcade game that I absolutely sucked at, but it was awesome. My turn came next, and with parties almost always being cold and sometimes with snow on the ground, we had a few snowball fights. And one year my school bus that everyone rode home with me on got stuck cutting at least an hour or two out of all the festivities.

0:02:15 - (Toby Brooks): Mark lived on an actual apple orchard farm, and I recall that one year where we played a knockdown drag out game of dunk ball on what had to have been like a four foot tall goal. Later he would host at Showbiz Pizza. Ooh. Making him the enviable rich kid of our group. His mom taught third grade, if that tells you anything about the relative socioeconomic status of our bunch. Jared was an outdoorsy hunter type who lived in a newer home that was deep in the woods.

0:02:42 - (Toby Brooks): He had a tetherball pole and I remember getting absolutely smoked in the face by the ball by him one year. I always thought of myself as an athlete, and it's only taken me about three decades to finally admit that Jared was quicker, faster, stronger and Better overall as an athlete in pretty much every respect. Chip, on the other hand, was always a little different. He was our eclectic alternative music loving Eagle Scout.

0:03:05 - (Toby Brooks): His family wasn't from Southern Illinois. We always joked that his parents were clearly in some kind of witness relocation program. A claim, come to think of it, that no one ever outright denied. His house was at least 10 miles deep back a gravel road and surrounded by single wide trailers and shabby houses all around. Chip's place looked like a mansion. It was new. It had this black iron spiral staircase that I thought was quite possibly the coolest architectural detail I'd ever seen in a house.

0:03:38 - (Toby Brooks): So not surprisingly, it was two stories tall. And I remember he had this two story shower where the showerhead was on the second floor and the shower floor was on the ground level. Come to think of it now, it's kind of crazy. We thought Mark was the rich one because his birthday party was at a pizza place. In retrospect, Chip's family was probably doing okay too. Why on earth am I yammering on about birthday parties, you might ask?

0:04:04 - (Toby Brooks): Because a birthday party at Chip's house one year is a core childhood memory. If you've watched the movies inside out, I don't know what color that core memory is. Maybe it's blue, maybe it's yellow. I don't know. It's complicated. As I said, these were apex moments in our year. We got to ride a bus home with our friends on not our normal bus. We played. We ate together, usually hot dogs or spaghetti, then cake and presents.

0:04:34 - (Toby Brooks): And at the end, the worst part by far was always having to go home. You know what December 26th feels like? That's exactly what the ride home from the birthday party felt like. It always sucked. But one year I discovered what was worse than leaving the birthday party hanging around long after it was over. As I'm prone to say in these stories, this is the truth as I remember it. It is entirely possible that some or even most of these details are entirely wrong.

0:05:05 - (Toby Brooks): Either way, my hope is that you will find hope, inspiration and encouragement. And maybe some entertainment too, along the way. I suppose now is as good a time as any to tell you that. I'm Toby Brooks, a speaker, an author, a professor, and a forever student. This is Word to the Third, my reflections on purpose, life and growth. Most weeks on becoming undone, I bring you guests who have dared bravely, risked mightily, and groaned relentlessly.

0:05:36 - (Toby Brooks): Those high achievers who have transformed from falling apart to falling into place. But every once in a while, it's my turn to reflect, refine and reprocess on Word to the third so back to Chip's birthday party. I had to have been around 10 years old or so. We all rode the bus home and went to the host's house. As per normal protocol. Play was had, dogs, burgers, cake and ice cream were consumed, presents were opened and everyone went home except for me.

0:06:11 - (Toby Brooks): Now keep in mind, it's February in southern Illinois. It gets dark at like 4:30pm Chip lives way back a gravel road in a pre gps, pre cell phone era. Now when I was a kid, I remembered it as my mom just forgot to come get me. Now that I really think about it, it's far more likely that she probably got lost back that dark gravel road. Regardless of the reason, all invitees of the party had left except me.

0:06:41 - (Toby Brooks): At first you're like, this is fine. I'm sure she'll be here in a minute. You hold that hope that it's all fine, that everything's fine, that she's fine, that I'm going to be fine. But time kept creeping on. I'm still there like 45 minutes after it's supposed to be over an hour. An hour 15. Chip's mom actually sends him to bed because it's a school night. So he goes up that spiral staircase and I stay on a bench downstairs waiting for my mom.

0:07:15 - (Toby Brooks): At first I remember thinking how awesome it was that I got to hang around and enjoy some bonus birthday party time with my friend when the rest of the crew had all gone home. But by the end, I remember sitting alone, knowing full well that I'd stayed longer than I should have. I needed to go, but it wasn't like I could text my mom and tell her to hurry up. It was 1980 freaking five. It felt like she was a month and a half late.

0:07:45 - (Toby Brooks): Obviously it wasn't that bad, but despite that unknown duration of me sticking around too long, I never forgot what it felt like to overstay my welcome. This past week, I made a few posts on Facebook and LinkedIn about the time I left athletic training for good. In a way, there were some similarities between that experience and my most recent job change. It probably took longer than it should have for me to admit that I wasn't enjoying it anymore and it was time to move on.

0:08:16 - (Toby Brooks): With that in mind, I thought I'd try to share some wisdom with you this episode. Whether it's a birthday party where your mom just won't pick you up, a career path you once loved that soured, or A workplace that's grown toxic. All share some common signs that we can learn from. That said, in no particular order, I offer you My Top 3 Ways to Know it's time to quit your job. Number one, look at the facts.

0:08:43 - (Toby Brooks): Sometimes, when we're in a situation that no longer feels right, our emotions can muddy the waters. We might cling to memories of how things used to be or the hope that maybe things will get better. But the first step in knowing when it's time to move on is to take an honest, objective look at the facts. Is your work still meaningful? Are you treated with respect? Are you seeing growth? Or are you stuck thinking back to that moment at Chip's birthday party when everyone else had gone home?

0:09:14 - (Toby Brooks): If I'd looked around and just faced the fact that the party was over, I might have saved myself some of that awkward, lonely weight. In the same way, assessing our situation with clear eyes can help us see the truth and make a more grounded decision. Number two, look around. After you've examined the facts, take a minute to look around. Are the people you're surrounded by supportive? Or are they holding you back?

0:09:41 - (Toby Brooks): Do they share your values and vision? Or is there a growing divide? Sometimes the environment around us changes without us noticing, and it takes a moment of pause to recognize it. Just like standing alone in that dark house as Chip went off to bed. There's a point where we realize we're out of sync with our surroundings. When you can feel that the energy is off and it no longer aligns with who you are or who you want to become, it might be time to shift.

0:10:10 - (Toby Brooks): Look around and ask yourself, is this truly where I want to be? Maybe there's somewhere else that better suits the person that you're growing into. Number three, look inside. Finally, once you've looked at the facts and assessed your environment, it's time to look within. How do you really feel? Often, we already know the answer. Deep down, there's a gut feeling that tells us when we are in a place that no longer serves us.

0:10:39 - (Toby Brooks): But it's easy to ignore that feeling in favor of comfort or ease or familiarity. Back at that birthday party, as I waited and waited and waited, I eventually felt that gut instinct telling me I'd overstayed my welcome. In the bigger picture of life, that inner voice is usually present, and it's pretty wise. It's our internal compass guiding us toward fulfillment and away from situations that drain us.

0:11:07 - (Toby Brooks): When you check in with yourself, and you should, you might find that that answer has been there all along, leaving a situation Whether it's a job, a friendship, or a place that once felt like home, it isn't easy, trust me. But by looking at the facts, taking in your surroundings, and listening to that inner voice, you can make the choice that's right for you. Sometimes, finally leaving the party is the first step toward finding something even better.

0:11:37 - (Toby Brooks): Sorry it took me so long to vacate the premises. Chip well, that wraps up another week. For more info on today's episode, be sure to check it out on the web. Simply go to undonepodcast.com ep104 to see the notes, links and images related to today's show. Two things to encourage you to connect this week. First, the Undone it's fairly new community on Facebook for like minded high achievers. I'm still aiming to get at least a thousand members by the end of the year, so be sure to check it out and join.

0:12:09 - (Toby Brooks): I'd love for you to become part of a group of people who can help your growth and Inspiration. Go to facebook.comgroupstheundone and get involved. Secondly, I'd love for you to join the Undone in your inbox too. Each week I'll send you encouragement, inspiration and challenge for the week ahead. Go to UndonePodcast CK page and sign up. It's totally free and it's the very best way to stay connected to the growing movement that is the Undone.

0:12:40 - (Toby Brooks): This week I'm offering a totally free 30 minute call where we can unpack what you have left undone and how I can help. Coming up on the show, I've got several guests in the works including former New York giant and now owner of Starter Corp. Carl Banks, and former pro street builder and world explorer Rick Dauberton. Come back Thursday and check it out. This and more coming up on Becoming Undone. Becoming Undone is a nitro hype creative production written and produced by me, Toby Brooks.

0:13:08 - (Toby Brooks): Tell a friend about the show. Follow along on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn at becoming undone Pod and follow me at Toby J. Brooks on X, Instagram, LinkedIn and TikTok. Check out my link tree at linktr EE backslash Toby Jbrooks Listen Subscribe Please leave me a review at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts. Till next time friend. Keep getting better.