106 | Against the Grain: Why the Safe Path Holds You Back

Episode Summary

In this episode of Becoming UnDone, host Toby Brooks dives into the core idea that traditional paths to success are not always the best or only options. Drawing from personal experiences and anecdotes, Toby explores the notion that real growth and fulfillment often lie in daring to carve your own path and questioning societal norms. This episode challenges listeners to step away from outdated blueprints of success and find their true selves through authenticity and self-discipline. 

Throughout the episode, Toby emphasizes the importance of discipline over motivation, arguing that routine commitment and setting personal goals are essential for achieving true satisfaction in life. The episode also highlights stories of individuals who have dared to pursue their own dreams and defy the expectation of conformity, including references to the inspiring film "Rudy." Brooks encourages listeners to engage with his community, share their experiences, and support one another in forging individualized paths to growth and fulfillment. 

Key Takeaways 

• Challenge Conventional Paths: Real success often requires stepping away from societal norms and creating a unique path that aligns with personal values and aspirations.
• The Power of Discipline: Unlike fleeting motivation, discipline fuels sustained commitment toward goals and dreams, even when external results are not immediately visible.
• Growth Beyond Rules: True growth involves questioning the status quo and being willing to rewrite the rules, especially when conventional wisdom does not resonate personally.
• Authenticity Over Conformity: Building a life that fits one's own passions and dreams, rather than conforming to societal expectations, leads to deeper fulfillment and success.
• Community Support: Engaging with supportive communities can enhance accountability and encouragement as individuals pursue unique and fulfilling paths.

Notable Quotes

• "Disciplined commitment to your own path can reveal a success that's fulfilling and uniquely yours."
• "Zigging when the world is zagging takes guts."
• "Motivation is a mirage; what you need is discipline."
• "Life is too short to follow instructions that don’t align with your soul."
• "Success isn't just about hard work. It’s about building a path that feels right, even if no one else understands it."

Resources

• Visit the Undone Facebook Group to share your experiences with the community: TheUnDone

Tune in to this episode for an inspiring conversation on breaking free from the norm to achieve personal success. Don't miss upcoming episodes as Toby continues to explore transformative stories and insights on Becoming UnDone.

Transcript

0:00:04 - (Toby Brooks): This is becoming undone. Here's the thing. Most people think there's a right way to do things. A blueprint, a path we're all supposed to follow. And if we don't stick to it, well, we're probably doing something wrong. I've even preached it for years. Strategic and purpose, relentless in pursuit. Better, better every day. It seems pretty logical, doesn't it? Set a goal, create a plan, work hard, follow the rules. 

0:00:33 - (Toby Brooks): Success is all but guaranteed if you just do that long enough. It's drilled into us from an early age, whether it's at school, at home, at work. My high school guidance counselor said it and I bought it. I thought good grades, college degrees, and an impressive work history with the keys to guaranteed success. And society. Sure seems to me like it tends to reward conformity too. Stepping off that tried and true path, that's risky, rebellious, even foolish. 

0:01:04 - (Toby Brooks): When we talk about success, people usually assume it's the result of doing what's expected. Following the rules, sticking to the plan, and trusting that if you do what everyone else does, you'll eventually get where you want to go. But here's the truth. Following the beaten path doesn't guarantee success. Matter of fact, sometimes it is exactly the thing that's holding us back. If you're like me, you've experienced it. 

0:01:36 - (Toby Brooks): At the very least, you probably felt it kind of gnawing at your soul. This so called right way isn't the only way. And it's certainly not the best way for everyone. If you're only doing what everybody else is doing, then it's not only easy to end up with the same outcomes as everybody else, it's predictable. And in today's world, that might mean feeling stuck, uninspired and ultimately unfulfilled. 

0:02:03 - (Toby Brooks): But here's the truth that I've discovered, especially lately. Some of the most successful, fulfilled people you will ever meet didn't get there by doing what everybody else did. They didn't follow the prescription. They didn't listen to their guidance counselor. They carved their own path. They questioned the norms. They did the complete opposite of what other people said were smart or safe. So why am I encouraging you to go against the grain? 

0:02:33 - (Toby Brooks): Because I've seen it over and over and I felt it. What is it, you ask? Real growth doesn't happen when you're playing by the rules. It happens when you're willing to rewrite them. I'm a first generation college student. My dad was a mechanic. It's far more likely that those hallowed halls of higher education weren't Built for Brooks's so much as by Brooks's. We're a long line of blue collar laborer types. 

0:03:00 - (Toby Brooks): My dad's dad worked for the road department, his dad the railroad. My heritage isn't Rockefeller. Instead, it's the nameless, faceless masses of labor that someone like Rockefeller might have used on their way to power and wealth. I get that. It's okay. I'm proud of it. I never really thought much about college growing up because it didn't really seem like it was for me or for my type. As high school graduation got closer and closer, I decided I'd try it and I ended up at a community college, mostly for financial reasons. 

0:03:36 - (Toby Brooks): But if I get real honest, it was also the safer place. My first college campus was pretty much a parking lot, a main academic building and a trades building. Having been on a couple of college campuses for high school events and feeling completely lost, I had a crippling fear of not being able to find my way around if I went to a big school. So long story short, I let both fear and finances determine my next step. 

0:04:03 - (Toby Brooks): I'm reminded of one of my favorite movies, Rudy, where an undersized and fairly unathletic Notre Dame fan Daniel Rudy Rudiger will accept no fate other than to play for the Irish. His blue collar family, most especially his dad and his older brothers, only laugh at his ambitions. Everyone seems positive that Rudy will follow his destiny to the local steel mill. And he does for a while. I can relate. 

0:04:29 - (Toby Brooks): My dad worked in a steel mill for a while, but Rudy ignores everyone. He proves them wrong and he goes after his impossible dream of playing football for Notre Dame. Themes in Rudy include believing in yourself, hard work and and overcoming adversity. Now in past episodes I've mentioned this and I've talked about this to several people about how I used to think that Rudy's dad was a complete dream killing jerk. 

0:04:55 - (Toby Brooks): Take a listen. Dad. 

0:05:02 - (B): What are you doing here? Chasing a stupid dream causes nothing but you and everyone around you heartache. Notre Dame is for rich kids, smart kids, great athletes. It's not for us. You're a Rudiger. There's nothing in the world wrong with being a Rudiger. You can have a damn nice life. 

0:05:36 - (Toby Brooks): As it turns out, today I'm not so sure. As a young, hungry, ambition filled dreamer, I saw myself in Rudy's story. I was going to work in D1 or the NFL. Now that I'm older and hopefully wiser, not to mention now a dad, I see the wisdom in what Rudy's dad was trying to say, there's no doubt. Twenty years ago, I would have told you that all you have to do is work hard, get your degree and stick around long enough and you'll find success. 

0:06:06 - (Toby Brooks): Today I tell you that I've done that, all of it, as hard as I could, for as long as I could. And the goal line of success and what it means to be a success, they aren't what I thought they were, but anybody can be motivated for a time. And motivational speakers and life coaches, they're a dime a dozen. There's like a whole industry. But I'd say screw all that talk. It's easy to do what you said you'd do when things are going well, when the excitement is high, when results come easy. 

0:06:39 - (Toby Brooks): Everybody's got hope when their team is 0 and 0 on the year. But motivation is a mirage. What happens when the losses start piling up? What happens when the will to work is dwarfed by the need to flee? What happens when hope stands silent, but fear and insecurity and your perception of the reality of your failure are screaming what you want. What I want. What we want is discipline. Now, I don't know if want is the right word. 

0:07:12 - (Toby Brooks): We need it. Discipline pulls you toward your dreams. Discipline can get you up in the morning. Discipline compels you to do another rep, another set, another page, another episode, another class, another job application. Just another. Not because you want to. Hell no. Because you have to. Because you get to. So quit asking for motivation. It's cheap and it's fleeting and it's hollow and it never satisfies. 

0:07:46 - (Toby Brooks): Instead, dig in and build discipline. I'm Toby Brooks. I'm a professor, a learning scientist, a former college and pro athletic trainer. This is Word to the Third, my reflections on purpose, life and growth. Most weeks on becoming undone, I bring you a guest who's dared bravely, risk mightily and grown relentlessly high achievers who transform from falling apart to falling into place. But ever so often, it's my turn to reflect, refine and reprocess on Word of the Third and today. 

0:08:22 - (Toby Brooks): Today we're talking about the power of doing things differently. Most people think that if they work hard and keep their head down, things will work out. But what if working hard on someone else's roadmap isn't the answer? What if instead, you designed your own? I've worked most of my adult life trying to help people get better. Whether it's an injured athlete trying to return to play or a healthy athlete trying to get bigger Faster, stronger, or a student trying to chase down dreams of their own. 

0:09:01 - (Toby Brooks): I've realized over the years that success never happens in moments. It's revealed in them. Instead, success happens through a repeated commitment to a bigger plan, what former guest coach JD Mayo called being totally compelled. I launched this show to share stories and strategies and perspectives that challenge that traditional path to success because I believe there's a huge difference between following instructions and designing a path that actually fulfills you. 

0:09:32 - (Toby Brooks): This show isn't about doing what everybody else is doing. It's about daring to think differently, to approach your life, your career, and your goals in a way that fits you. Now, it is my goal to inspire you with this show, but it's not my goal to just inspire you with this show. More than that, I'm trying to empower you to question the paths laid out before you, whether by someone else or just accepted by you. 

0:09:57 - (Toby Brooks): I want to show you that real success and satisfaction come from building a life based on your own values, your own passions, your own dreams, not just ticking off someone else's boxes. Let me ask you this. Have you ever felt like you were doing something just because it's what you were supposed to do? Maybe you're stuck with a job that doesn't light you up. Maybe you've played small for a long time and you've kept quiet about your dreams. 

0:10:24 - (Toby Brooks): We've held back from a big decision because it seems too risky. Today, I challenge you to question that. Ask yourself, am I following a path because it's safe or because it's mine? The world changes fast, my friend, and the rules of yesterday don't always work today. In the age of information, innovation, and endless possibilities, clinging to norms that are outdated can keep you stagnant. But creating your own path, that's where growth happens, and that's where real, meaningful success is found. 

0:10:59 - (Toby Brooks): What I've seen and what I've learned from my own life and the lives of those I most admire, not to mention the ones I've got to interview right here over the past two years, is that breakthroughs often come when you're willing to do the opposite of what everyone else is doing. When you stop asking, what would they have me do? And you start asking, what's right for me. So how do we apply this? Here's the key. Narrow your focus and question the status quo. 

0:11:30 - (Toby Brooks): Instead of looking at what everybody else is doing, take a hard look at what really matters to you. When you do that, you'll start to see that success isn't about fitting into somebody else's box. It's about building your own box. Now I get it. This idea alone can make you squirm. It's uncomfortable. That's okay. It's should. Going against the grain isn't easy, and it's definitely not for the faint of heart. 

0:11:56 - (Toby Brooks): But if you want something you've never had, you have to be willing to do something you've never done. Maybe that means taking a leap into a new career, or creating a project you've always dreamed about. I spent the past 14 years at the same place, and I saw the writing on the wall for several years. It was time for me to go. And honestly, even when everything I had prayed for for years was right there for the taking at another institution, fear nearly got the best of me. 

0:12:28 - (Toby Brooks): Pulling up roots in a community, leaving the place I'd called home longer than anywhere in my life, saying goodbye to friends that I love. Those things were, and they remain, one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But nowhere has anyone ever suggested that what is easy is what's best. Zigging when the world is zagging takes guts, and sometimes stepping through the door that opens before us is the scariest thing in the world. 

0:12:56 - (Toby Brooks): Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying every person listening to this episode needs to quit their job and move somewhere far away instead of stepping out. Maybe it means stepping up in your current role in ways that feel a little risky, but they're true to who you are. Past few weeks, I've been pretty blunt on social media about how athletic training needs to change, and my tone has been pretty harsh. 

0:13:19 - (Toby Brooks): But contrary to what you might think, I don't believe every AT needs to quit. Maybe they just need to be brave and have a meaningful conversation with their administrator or their coach or their AD so that their jobs can be more manageable, so that their pay can be more adequate, so that their life is sustainable. Or maybe the change is just between our ears. Sometimes we've got to go through some seasons where little seems to be changing. 

0:13:47 - (Toby Brooks): But if we keep feeding ourselves through study and training and a commitment to getting just a little bit better every single day, even though the world can't see it, we know it. We aren't just a year older, we're a year closer. A year better. I'm reminded of the story of the bamboo plant. Farmers who plant bamboo have to plant water and protect the area where they plant it. Year after year after year. All that work, no results. 

0:14:17 - (Toby Brooks): Year 1 Year 2 Year 3 nothing. No results to show for that investment. If the bamboo represents your life or your career, everyone who cares about you is probably like Rudy's dad, telling you to give up on your stupid dream. You're five years in, and still nothing. But finally, year five, you see signs of change. Something breaks through the soil. At long last, it starts growing, and in six weeks it has towered to 80ft in height. In the world's eyes, that's 80ft of growth in six weeks. 

0:14:52 - (Toby Brooks): You're an overnight success. But if you've done the work, you know the truth. It's 80ft in five years. If we give up when we don't see the point, the plant dies and nothing happens. We walk away feeling like a failure, questioning why we wasted our time in the first place. We don't need motivation to care for that plant. Motivation would have dried up years ago. What we need is discipline to keep going, to trust the process, to cling to the hope that it's impossible to defeat someone who refuses to quit. 

0:15:27 - (Toby Brooks): Here's what I believe. Life is too short to follow instructions that don't align with your soul. Sometimes the only way to get to where you want to go is to tear up the script and start writing your own friend. That is a wrap for today's episode on the power of going against the grain. I know this journey isn't easy. It takes guts. It takes persistence. It takes a willingness to stand alone sometimes. 

0:15:58 - (Toby Brooks): But I truly believe that success isn't just about hard work. It's about building a path that feels right, even if no one else understands it. This week, I want to challenge you to take a small but powerful step in that direction. Think about one area in your life where you might be holding back, where you're following the rules or someone else's roadmap instead of your own. So here's your application assignment. 

0:16:24 - (Toby Brooks): Here's your task. Identify one thing that you've been wanting to try but haven't yet because it feels risky or unconventional. Maybe it's a project, a conversation, or a step you've been too hesitant to take right here on this show. Katie Burkhart, former guest, talked about how she was undone. She needed to write a book. Thrilled to say, Katie's book is done. She did it. She stepped out in faith. She took a meaningful step. 

0:16:53 - (Toby Brooks): So this week, your assignment is to take a meaningful step toward it. Toward your goal, your purpose. Even if it's just writing down what you want to accomplish and sharing it out loud. Afterward, head over to the Undone Facebook group@facebook.com groups backslash the undone and post about your experience. Share it with the community. What's the step you're taking and why does it matter to you? The group is here to support you, so let's make it a place where we hold each other accountable and celebrate every step forward. 

0:17:26 - (Toby Brooks): I'll also say if today's episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend or someone you know who might be ready to step off that well worn path and explore something new. Sometimes the biggest changes come from a single conversation or a small nudge in a new direction from someone who cares. Becoming Undone is a nitro hub creative production and I'm grateful to share these conversations and reflections with you. 

0:18:02 - (Toby Brooks): If you're enjoying the show, consider subscribing, leaving a review, or connecting with me on social media. And remember, when it comes to your journey, no one else's roadmap will do. Keep rewriting the script one bold step at a time. Till next time, stay relentless. Stay true. Keep pushing toward the life you're meant to live, and for crying out loud, keep getting better.