126 | The Impact of a Purpose Storm: Transforming Loss into New Beginnings

About the Host

Toby Brooks is an introspective speaker, coach, and author with experience in helping high-performance athletes and high achievers from diverse industries such as the arts, military, and entrepreneurship to navigate significant transitions in their lives. Through his personal journey from being an athlete to becoming a mentor and coach, Toby developed a keen insight into the identity shifts that accompany career and life changes. He has developed the UN.D.O.N.E. (tm) coaching model, aimed at helping individuals rebuild their lives and careers from the inside out.

Episode Summary

In this podcast episode, Toby Brooks explores the deep emotional journey many face as they transition from roles that once defined them. As someone who once sat in a locker room dealing with the loss of his identity as an athlete, Toby draws parallels between his experience and the struggles others face when their professional or personal identities change. He delves into what he terms "purpose storms," moments when individuals must confront the daunting question of who they are now that their previous roles have ended.

The episode further unpacks the journey of self-discovery and identity evolution. Toby highlights that losing an identity, whether it's as an athlete, a military leader, or a corporate executive, does not mean an end but rather a shift towards becoming something new. Using the story of Olympian Michael Phelps, he illustrates the profound impact identity loss can have and the need to grieve one's past identity to embrace new opportunities. This thoughtful discourse also introduces Toby's own UN.D.O.N.E. Method (tm), a framework for personal growth and transformation designed to guide people through significant life shifts with intention and courage.

Key Takeaways:

• Identity transitions are a common and challenging experience that many people face, irrespective of their profession or achievement level.
• Experiencing the end of a significant role or identity can lead to a deep period of introspection referred to as "purpose storms."
• Grieving past identities is essential to moving forward and embracing new opportunities and roles in life.
• The "Undone Method," Toby Brooks' coaching model, offers a structured approach to navigating personal and professional transitions.
• Identity does not disappear with the loss of a role; it evolves, and with support, the shift can lead to new, fulfilling paths.

Notable Quotes:

1. "Endings aren't just about what stops. They're about what shifts."
2. "Identity doesn't evaporate. It evolves."
3. "You might not be the athlete anymore, but maybe you're the mentor, the coach, the author, the entrepreneur."
4. "You have to grieve the old before you can greet the new."
5. "Even when it feels like it's over, it might just be the beginning."

Resources:

• Toby Brooks' Website: tobyjbrooks.com

Tune in to the full episode to engage with Toby Brooks' insightful journey and learn more about navigating life's transitions. Stay tuned for more compelling discussions on identity, purpose, and transformation in upcoming episodes.

Transcript

0:00:00 - (Toby Brooks): You ever reach the end of something and realize that you don't have any idea who you are anymore? It doesn't even have to be some grand dramatic moment. Sometimes it's quiet, subtle. A locker room door that clicks shut. A final email from hr Last time you lace up your cleats. The last salute. The last shift. I've had some major shifts in my life over the years. For example, this week will mark one year exactly since I left my last job, the home and the town that I'd known the longest in my whole life.

0:00:33 - (Toby Brooks): I started over in a new place with a lot of new people doing new things. And the first time I remember such a massive shift, I was in a dank locker room in Southern Illinois. I was a senior, 18 years old. My team had just been eliminated from the IHSA basketball playoffs. It was the last game of my high school career. Always seemed kind of melodramatic to call it that to me. But it was the last game that I'd play as a competitive athlete. No scouts in the stands, not for me anyway. No scholarship offers waiting in the wings.

0:01:07 - (Toby Brooks): Just the hollow sound of a season and who I thought I was coming to a close. That crushing weight of defeat and that lingering feeling of failure. I waited until everybody left. And then I sat on that cold concrete floor and I just wept. I'd lost. It felt like I'd lost everything. Because in a way, I had. I didn't just lose the game, I lost my identity. I wasn't an athlete anymore. I knew I was now a former something.

0:01:45 - (Toby Brooks): And just that distinction alone wrecked me for years. I kept this to myself. There's kind of a whole Uncle Rico of it all. Kind of a pathetic old man yearning for the glory days when you weren't that good to begin with. But in the years that followed, I eventually found myself working with actual real life high performance athletes. D1 professional. Then later I'd come into contact with high achievers in other walks of life like the arts, the military, entrepreneurial circles. And what I discovered was that that younger version of me actually had nothing to be ashamed of.

0:02:23 - (Toby Brooks): It was a fully human response to losing something that had been core to who I was. Maybe it happened sooner for me because I didn't have the skills to prolong my opportunities, but the emotions, they were the same. And maybe at 18, I was even less well equipped to handle them. What nobody tells you is that endings aren't just just about what stops. They're about what shifts. They're about who you become when the Title, the uniform or the spotlight disappears. Think of folks who serve in the military.

0:02:58 - (Toby Brooks): I've talked to several Navy SEALs on the show. One day you're a bigwig sergeant so and so leader, a warrior, somebody that people depend on. And then on a random Tuesday, it's just done. You hand in the gear and suddenly you're just Joe again. Or a corporate exec or a university professor who built their whole identity around performance achievement being needed until they got downsized or retire and they realized that they don't know who they are without a full calendar and a corner office.

0:03:33 - (Toby Brooks): Or maybe it's an Olympian. Somebody like Michael Phelps, history's most decorated Olympic champion. After winning more gold medals than anyone in history, by his own admission, he fell into a deep depression because the pool had been his identity, his therapy, his everything. And when it was over, he was lost. It can happen to anyone, and frequently it does. We've just stigmatized it. We shame saddle it, and we learn to tuck it as far out of sight as possible.

0:04:08 - (Toby Brooks): These are what I call purpose storms. Moments when it feels like the ground shifting and the questions get loud. Who am I now? What was all that for? What comes next? But here's the truth. Identity doesn't evaporate. It evolves. Oh, sure, the heartbreak, that's real. That's valid. Where I was compelled to feel ashamed, I should have had support. Where I was lamenting what was behind. I could have been mentored to process and heal.

0:04:41 - (Toby Brooks): But here's the thing. If we can sit with that long enough, there's something even more beautiful underneath it all. A spark. A sliver of clarity, A new direction. You might not be the athlete anymore, but maybe you're the mentor, the coach, the author, the entrepreneur. You might not wear the uniform anymore, but maybe you're finally ready to fight for yourself. What I've learned the hard way, friend, is is that you have to grieve the old before you can greet the new.

0:05:16 - (Toby Brooks): I've heard it said this way. We can't pick up the beautiful opportunities of tomorrow with hands that are still gripping the regrets and the griefs of yesterday. And the new? It's there, but it doesn't show up with applause and fanfare. It whispers. It waits. It needs you to believe in what could be, not just mourn what was. That's why I've built a coaching model I call the Undone Method. It's about rebuilding life from the inside out.

0:05:49 - (Toby Brooks): Learn the hard way through stages, like uncovering who you are, designing what comes next, overcoming what holds you back, navigating change with courage and executing it all with intention. I'll share more on that in some future episodes and also in the new book that I'm working on that's due out this fall. But for now, if you're standing at the end of something, whether it's a season, a career, a dream, maybe this message is for you.

0:06:16 - (Toby Brooks): I hope you'll let these words penetrate you to the bone. Hear me. You are not done. You're becoming. Let's get to work. This episode resonated with you. Do me a favor. Like share. Send it to somebody that needs to hear today. And if you're in the middle of your own purpose storm and want some help sorting through the pieces, check out my offerings on my website, tobyjbrokes.com I love to talk to you about speaking, about coaching, about coming alongside and helping you along the way.

0:06:49 - (Toby Brooks): It's what I do. Next time on the show, I'm honored to talk with Nancy Kincaid, wife of late coach Dick Tomey. We'll talk legacy, leadership and loving someone through the highs and lows of a legendary life. Till then, reflect, realign, rebuild and remember. Even when it feels like it's over, it might just be the beginning.