128 | Surviving a Nightmare: John Ulsh's Journey from Tragedy to Purpose

About the Guest

John Ulsh is an inspiring public speaker, author, and survivor who has transformed personal tragedy into a powerful mission of resilience and motivation. At 37, John's life dramatically changed following a nearly fatal car accident involving his entire family. Despite undergoing over 45 surgeries and extensive rehabilitation, John emerged with a renewed sense of purpose. Now, he dedicates his life to inspiring others as a motivational speaker and author of his book,  The Upside of Down, while balancing his career in real estate and his family life in Pennsylvania.

Episode Summary

In this compelling episode of Becoming UnDone, host Toby Brooks engages with John Ulsh, whose life was irrevocably changed by a devastating car accident. With unyielding courage and resilience, John recounts the physical and emotional barriers he overcame after the collision that nearly claimed his and his family's lives. John's journey to recovery, marked by over 45 surgeries, serves as a testament to human perseverance. He shares how he turned immense pain into purpose, aiding his transformation from adversity towards helping others facing their own "purpose storms."

Throughout the episode, John explores the deeply personal psychological journey he undertook en route to recovery, including suffering from survivor's guilt and battling narcotic dependency. He introduces key concepts such as finding meaning through serving others, embracing the process over the finish line, and being intentional in the face of life's upheavals. Both Toby and John reflect on the delicate balance between humility and the imperative to share one's story to uplift and inspire others with its authenticity. This conversation not only inspires, but also equips listeners with tangible strategies for overcoming their own life obstacles.

Key Takeaways

• The importance of community and support systems in navigating severe trauma and recovery.
• The role of intentional decision-making in shifting from survival to recovery and thriving.
• Finding new purpose and contributing to others' healing as a means to heal oneself.
• Overcoming psychological barriers like survivor's guilt and the complexity of mental health issues post-trauma.
• The power of physical fitness and setting intentions in reclaiming control over one's life and body.

Notable Quotes

1. "I survived, only to have to undergo years of intensive rehab and over 45 surgeries and counting."
2. "Somewhere in that nursing home, I kind of realized I wasn't going to die. Now somewhere in the nursing home, I started wishing I would have died."
3. "I miss my old daddy, the one who would come out and train with me."
4. "In the end, it's this constant, like I was battling it today…to how much to let things pull you and how much to push it."

Resources:

• John Ulsh's Website
• John Ulsh on Instagram

Transcript

0:00:04 - (John Ulsh): This is Becoming undone. Somewhere in that nursing home, I kind of realized I wasn't going to die. Now somewhere in the nursing home, I started wishing I would have died. So it was a, you know, it was a mental hurdle. And so I am sitting in this office. I'm sitting right now, and out the window in front of me is a big front yard and our daughter, who now is 10, big soccer player. And so she's. When she's not at practice, she would come home from school and she'd be out there just juggling in the front yard.

0:00:41 - (John Ulsh): And so I look up and I see her out there juggling in the front yard. And. And then I look up and she's gone. And. And I hear her walk in the front door and she comes into my office and she's crying. So I, like, call her into my seat right here, and I'm like, what's wrong, honey? I just assumed she hurt herself. And she sits in my lap. She says, I miss my old daddy. The one who would come out and train with me.

0:01:01 - (John Ulsh): This is John Ulsch, and I am Undone.

0:01:09 - (Toby Brooks): Hey, friend. Welcome.

0:01:10 - (Toby Brooks): Or welcome back.

0:01:11 - (Toby Brooks): Either way, I'm glad you're here. This is another episode of Becoming Undone, the podcast for those who dare bravely risk mightily and grow relentlessly. I'm Toby Brooks, a speaker, author, professor, and performance scientist. Over the last two decades, I've had the privilege of working in high performance sports and academic spaces as well. And what continues to fascinate me is this. Why is it that some people crumble under adversity while others rise? They're rebuilt, they're refined, and they're more resolute than ever.

0:01:38 - (Toby Brooks): Every week here on Becoming Undone, we unpack that as I sit down with high achievers, and we figure out how they move through disruption, disappointment, not around it. Because becoming undone is not the end of the story. It's where a new one begins. Quick reminder. This podcast is entirely separate from my role of Baylor University. It's my personal platform to explore the inner workings of identity, resilience, and reinvention, and how in the middle of setback and failure, you can navigate your own purpose Storm.

0:02:04 - (Toby Brooks): It's a chance for me to explore deeper into what I've learned and what I'm learning. Today's guest is someone whose story hits hard in all the best ways. John Ulsh is a man who's lived through a nightmare and somehow emerged from the wreckage not just standing, but serving after a devastating automobile accident that impacted his entire family and nearly took his life. He survived, only to have to undergo years of intensive rehab and over 45 surgeries and counting.

0:02:41 - (Toby Brooks): John could have disappeared into grief and made no one would have blamed him. Instead, he chose to build legacy, purpose, and a life committed to helping others. In this conversation, we talk about the power of community, the surprising ways that healing can show up, and how John's capacity to find meaning in loss has become a mission in itself. If you've ever questioned how to keep going when life breaks your heart wide open, John's story will meet you there.

0:03:08 - (Toby Brooks): This is an unforgettable episode, so I hope you'll stick around for my conversation with John ulsch in episode 128, Unbreakable.

0:03:17 - (Toby Brooks): Hey, greetings and welcome back. Becoming Undone is the podcast for those.

0:03:19 - (Toby Brooks): Who dare bravely risk mightily and grow relentlessly. Join me, Toby Brooks, as I invite.

0:03:24 - (Toby Brooks): A new guest each week to examine.

0:03:25 - (Toby Brooks): How high achievers can transform from falling.

0:03:27 - (Toby Brooks): Apart to falling into place. This week, got a treat for you.

0:03:32 - (Toby Brooks): I've been doing a deep dive multi.

0:03:34 - (Toby Brooks): Part, like 15 episodes into the story of the life, the lessons, the legacy of Dick Tomey and, and this is kind of getting back to my roots.

0:03:41 - (Toby Brooks): Kind of digging in with one person and their story. And boy, do we have one for you today.

0:03:47 - (Toby Brooks): John Ulster is joining us today. He is a, an author, a keynote speaker, and a survivor. John, thanks so much for joining me today.

0:03:55 - (John Ulsh): Toby, thank you for having me. Really looking forward to it.

0:03:58 - (Toby Brooks): Well, I was super excited. Increasingly, as the show's grown, I get more contacts. There's a lot of podcast promotion places and some of those are great. Some of them aren't as good. So I always ask for that speaker kit. And when I saw yours, I knew right away that I wanted to have you on the show. Your story is incredible. But before we get there, I always like to start at the beginning. Start at the beginning. Wherever that was for you.

0:04:22 - (John Ulsh): Yeah. So I am 53 years old. I'm a father of two children. I have a daughter who is 26. I have a son who's 21. He'll be 22 here shortly and he's going into his senior year at Villanova here in Pennsylvania. My wife Tanya is a business owner as well. She owns jewelry stores here in central Pennsylvania. I, when I'm not doing motivational work, I, I run a real estate team as well here in Central PA. I was 37 years old, living a really good life with my wife, my two kids and, and a car crossed the center line and hit us at a 125 mile impact speed and my life was turned upside down.

0:05:05 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah, on one hand you'd say, you know, happily married, two kids, real estate. That, that's, that's a fairly normal life. But yet in a moment it transformed and your purpose along with it. If we had to meet you five days before the accident, what would you say were the dreams and the goals.

0:05:25 - (Toby Brooks): That you would have told me you.

0:05:26 - (Toby Brooks): Were chasing after then?

0:05:30 - (John Ulsh): Literally that perfect family status, success. I was a marathon runner. I had been a runner in high school and ran in college, did decathlon in college. Wasn't really a distance runner until after college. Like a lot of people was like, I need to, I need to find a new, you know, new high. And, and yeah, so I was, I had great group of friends. We weren't killing it killing, but we had a, making a really nice living.

0:05:56 - (John Ulsh): We had, we had an old pair from Europe, from Germany, who was helping us because my wife and I were both working 50, 60 hours a week. I wouldn't say that was, in hindsight, it's not the dream. I, I was missing, you know, swim meets. The day of our accident was a day of a swim meet that I was on a Saturday. But yeah, we were in a really good lifestyle. Our relationships were strong. Our kids were 8 and 4 and kind of felt like we had the world, you know, exactly where we wanted it.

0:06:28 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah, that's it.

0:06:29 - (Toby Brooks): Figuring it out.

0:06:29 - (Toby Brooks): Right.

0:06:30 - (Toby Brooks): Just living life. And at that point in your life, what would you say had been your.

0:06:35 - (Toby Brooks): Role with adversity and overcoming up until then?

0:06:40 - (John Ulsh): So again, being an athlete, when you understand a little bit, you know, you, you can. I, I, in high school I played football, basketball. I went to a small high school, graduated 60, some kids in a class. And so you, if we didn't play all three, three seasons, we didn't have enough kids.

0:06:55 - (Toby Brooks): Right, right.

0:06:56 - (John Ulsh): You know, my high school added soccer after I graduated and they lost the marching band because they didn't have enough kids. So. Yeah, so I was a three sport guy. I was, I excelled in track. I was a decent football player because I was fast. Didn't translate the gray hands. But you know, when you're, when your average linemen are 150, 170 pound guys, you got to be, you know, fast is, is, is all, all you need.

0:07:21 - (Toby Brooks): Right.

0:07:23 - (John Ulsh): But I was, I was a really good hurdler, a 300, 110. And so, you know, I, I knew what it was like when I got to college. I went to Division 3 school to run track. I had some opportunities to Go to Some big Division 1 schools like Syracuse and was blown away by the fact that a kid coming from 63 kids in their class was in Syracuse, New York, in February in the snow. I had no idea, like, literally had no experience whatsoever being there. It's like, this is not where I need to be.

0:07:52 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

0:07:53 - (John Ulsh): And so, you know, I went to a Division 3 program where I was MVP my freshman year and had success. But when I got to college, particularly when I started, you know, so I was a. I was a good sprinter freshly from my high school. He's a good high jumper, good long jumper. So I actually graduated with 10 high school records.

0:08:16 - (Toby Brooks): Wow.

0:08:17 - (John Ulsh): Yeah. And we ran on cinder track.

0:08:19 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

0:08:19 - (John Ulsh): And so. So I knew what it was like to push yourself a little bit.

0:08:22 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

0:08:23 - (John Ulsh): And then when I became like a marathon runner even more. Just this understanding and like, nobody ever. I don't think anybody sets out to become a marathon runner. I think people start to like, I'm going to run a mile and then I'm going to run a 5k and I'm going to run a 10k and I can run a half marathon. And then you just get the bug.

0:08:41 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

0:08:42 - (John Ulsh): And so, like, literally the day of our accident, I had just knocked out 13 miles on December 1st up here in central Pennsylvania. A little cold morning in the dark, but, yeah, I mean, so I understood adversity as it related to pushing your. Your body.

0:09:00 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

0:09:01 - (John Ulsh): I was also dyslexic and how to stutter. You know, I was born in 1971. There was not a lot of understanding of either of them in my little high, my little school. Yeah, I was fifth grade till I really could start to read. And the stuttering I kind of grew out of eventually. But even in college, I was still very cognitive of the fact that, you know, I might stutter and I would talk really fast to try to avoid the stutter. So, yeah, you know, I had a little bit of that growing up.

0:09:33 - (John Ulsh): Being in sports helped, you know, especially in a small high school. If I was, you know, if I spent all my time with a book, I probably would have had no friends.

0:09:42 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah, right. Well, you mentioned hands. You know what they call a wide receiver who can't catch very well?

0:09:49 - (John Ulsh): A D back.

0:09:49 - (Toby Brooks): That's right. Yeah, you've heard that one before.

0:09:51 - (John Ulsh): Where do you think they put me when I got the count right? Well, like, son, you could run real fast, but that's it.

0:09:59 - (Toby Brooks): Just knock somebody down. You don't have to catch anything.

0:10:02 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

0:10:03 - (Toby Brooks): Awesome. Well, I know that you've rehashed this day a million times in your mind. So let's go back to the day of the accident. Talk me through what you remember about that day that pivoted your whole life.

0:10:20 - (John Ulsh): So it was December 1, 2007. So it's a Saturday and our daughter was the one swimming at the time. She swam for our YMCA indoor season up here all the time. And so, so we were at Jamie Buchanan High School, which is south of of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, almost at the Maryland border. So about an hour from our house. And so again we get in there, it's a, I don't, you know, it's a typical old high school indoor swimming, hot and humid.

0:10:56 - (John Ulsh): I again, I remember, you know, I would show up these things and sometimes I'd have to be a timer like most parents. And so, you know, I'd be in there in a T shirt, a pair of sweatpants and then I would go with a pair of crocs and socks and take the socks off so I could at least get some sort of, you know, air. So the meet was over at around one o' clock in the afternoon. It was early meet and I remember coming down, when we came down, we came through a town called Chambersburg, which is the next town outside of Mercersburg.

0:11:25 - (John Ulsh): And taking this Route 16, 55 mile undivided road, we're pulling out of the school. And so our son James, who was four, our daughter Katie was the one who swam again, she was 8. She was at the top of her age group. She'd already been swimming since she was six. It was her first meet, four blue ribbons. She swam an im, which was a big deal for a little eight year old girl. And so if we felt great, right, we kind of bribed our son James with if you behave yourself through the swim meet, we'll go buy a Christmas tree on our way home. December 1st, right.

0:12:03 - (John Ulsh): So instead of turning left out of the school and go exactly the same way we came, we decided to turn right. There's a prep school called Mercersburg Academy right there. We knew they'd kind of be decorated for Christmas. Well, why don't we just go drive through the academy on our way home and jump on Route 81 the back way. So we did and five minutes later in a straightaway, a car coming the other direction at the last second cross the center line.

0:12:33 - (John Ulsh): We went driver to driver. The police report would estimate that we were going 55 and he was doing about 70. So, you know, no skid marks on the road. So they just, they're, you know, combined travel Speed, you know, you hit a telephone pole at 70, you hit at 72 objects in the opposite directions, you combine them. So 125 mile impact speed is what the police report said, which was crazy to think about after the fact.

0:12:59 - (John Ulsh): Other driver died then. He was not wearing a seat belt. He was, you know, the, the cars were horrific. Again we went driver to driver. My wife was in the front front passenger seat, my daughter was in the rear passenger seat and our son was in a car seat behind me. And so I was unconscious, my wife was unconscious, our son was unconscious, our daughter, the eight year old was stayed conscious.

0:13:31 - (Toby Brooks): I have to stop right there if for no other reason than to give you and me just a moment to process this whole thing. John shares this story matter of factly now probably because he's had to recount this incredible moment in the story that followed hundreds of times by now. It was quite literally like the BC AD moment of his life. It was a split second where he now talks about his experiences either before or after his accident.

0:14:02 - (Toby Brooks): But you know, it crossed my mind. The only reason we can say with certainty that John's story is incredible rather than just tragic is because miraculously he and his family survived. A horrific accident like this is most often fatal. And sadly, while the driver of the other vehicle lost his life at the scene, each member of the Alsch family was spared. The dad in me cannot shake the thought of John, his wife Tanya and his four year old son James, all critically injured and initially unconscious.

0:14:34 - (Toby Brooks): But I keep going back to that thought, that picture. Precious 8 year old daughter Katie, alert, buckled in the back seat of her mangled family suv, the only member of the family who's aware of her surroundings. I can't even really force myself to visualize what it must have been like for her in that moment. It's heartbreaking. Even now in the weeks that have passed since our interview, I found myself thinking back to what had to be a terrifying scene.

0:15:04 - (Toby Brooks): And as a dad, probably thinking and rethinking the entire scenario a million times, wondering what I could have possibly done differently. Thankfully for John and his family, help was on the way.

0:15:19 - (John Ulsh): And so actually very rural area where we were a few houses here and there, but a lot of fields. And it was a gentleman who was visiting his mother adult, his mother was elderly and he had just pulled into the driveway when our collision happened and hurt a and called 911 and came down to the car to see if he could help and. And he found our daughter Katie crawling between my seat and my wife's. Seat, trying to get a cell phone, crying, daddy, don't die.

0:15:48 - (Toby Brooks): Good.

0:15:49 - (John Ulsh): Yeah. I have no memories of, of, of any of it. I would later learn that I was in and out of consciousness. I actually talked to the, to the emt. Strange story. He, he met me a couple years later when I, when I did a speaking down in Hagerstown, Maryland and it made the newspaper. He thought I had died.

0:16:11 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

0:16:11 - (John Ulsh): So, so when this, he sees me in the newspaper and he turned out to be the chief of police of a local town right by there and also an ems. And so when he saw that I was alive, he called me through my business number. It was like, yeah, you, you were in and out of consciousness. You asked me if I was, if my family was okay. You asked me if you were going to die, you know, so, so I have no memory of it. The last thing I remember is seeing Whitetail ski area on the right and they were blowing snow and my wife going, oh, we can ski soon.

0:16:48 - (John Ulsh): I mean that was the last memory I have until I came out of a coma 18 days later.

0:16:53 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

0:16:54 - (John Ulsh): But our son James was the most, second most injured four year old sitting in a, in a car seat. When my chair came back, he put, he must have put his legs up and so it snapped his fibia, tibia, his left leg. Everybody had broken collarbones. What the seat belt's supposed to do.

0:17:15 - (Toby Brooks): Right.

0:17:16 - (John Ulsh): Hold you in place. And, and then his bowel was severed by the, by the lap belt. However, it never cut his skin. So he and I were already transported into, into Penn State Medical center in Hershey, Pennsylvania. And his leg was already set and all of a sudden he started throwing up and they, they, you know, scanned his stomach and saw his, he was septic, his bowels had severed itself. So.

0:17:42 - (Toby Brooks): Right.

0:17:43 - (John Ulsh): So he was able to have fortunately a section of his bowel removed without a colostomy and, and reattached. We spent 15 days in the hospital. My wife Tanya and our daughter were transported to Hagerstown, which was the closest non trauma. My son and I were flown to Penn State Hospital, which is a Hershey Penns Chocolate Hershey. And we were, we were very fortunate. Our hometown kept. They use these transport helicopters called Lifeline, Penn State Nittany Line. So their, their helicopters called Lifelines.

0:18:18 - (John Ulsh): And they have two, one at Hershey at the hospital and one they keep in my town of Carlisle at a little airport solely for the purpose of reaching down in that area of Pennsylvania which is pretty rural. Otherwise we were closer to University of Maryland's Trauma hospital. But I am. I mean, I arrived with less than 3% chance of surviving. So had I, had I gone to University of Maryland, I wouldn't be here.

0:18:43 - (John Ulsh): So, you know, my wife was. Broken hand, broken foot, broken collarbone, lacerations, unconscious. They would move she and my daughter. So my daughter's 8, so she's awake. And the EMTs were like, do you want to fly with your dad? No matter what, she was a kid, she was going to get transported by helicopter, whether it was to Hagerstown or whether it was to Hershey. And eight year old girl, she's like, I'll go with my mom since my brother's going with my dad.

0:19:14 - (Toby Brooks): So.

0:19:14 - (John Ulsh): So she got to Hagerstown, which is where my wife was taken by ambulance. My daughter was flown in there. And that evening they put my wife and my daughter in an ambulance and transported them almost two hours to Hershey because I was going to die and my wife, they wanted my wife to have the opportunity to see me. So, you know, I always say her story and my story are very different. Yeah, she had this job of having to be as beat up as she was in a lot of pain, put in a gurney with our daughter in an ambulance, who's an eight year old little girl scared out of her mind and her dad's dying, acting like everything was going to be okay. And we're just going up there to be with your brother and your dad, knowing that chances are I was dying and that's why she was being moved and, and, and then in Hershey and then having to be admitted in to the hospital, my, my daughter threw through a fit and she's like, I don't want to be good to the children's wing. I don't want to leave my mom.

0:20:14 - (John Ulsh): So my father and mother were actually got to Hershey, you know, and they took my daughter and actually slept in my wife's room for a night just so she wouldn't get admitted. She was. Again, she wouldn't have to be admitted. She's just. But if she was, she was going into the children's part of the hospital, not anywhere close to her mom, and she was scared to death.

0:20:36 - (Toby Brooks): So, so horrific. Just, I mean, the thought of any one of those is horrific to a young family, to anyone really, but in this case, a family, but all four of those simultaneously, just overwhelming. Just not only the trauma of it all and the physical and the mental, there's just so much there. Meanwhile, you're, you're in a coma. I mean, you're, it's not like you're able to help. So when you come to and start to understand the gravity of the situation, talk me through the emotions and the thoughts at that point.

0:21:12 - (Toby Brooks): Once your consciousness and your cognition start to come back online, what were those initial days and weeks like?

0:21:21 - (John Ulsh): So. So I was a combination of. In coma. I mean, I lose. I lost 38 units of blood in the first 24 hours. Like, guys our size, that's like bleeding out almost four times.

0:21:32 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

0:21:33 - (John Ulsh): You know, so I was. All the internal injuries. So my pelvis was shattered and broken about four and a half inches apart. And then, you know, they said, you know, doctors was there saying, oh, your. Your pelvis like a lifesaver. You can't just break it on one side. It's a circle. Right. It's going to break. So the back of my pelvis broke the energy traveled up my tailbone, split my tailbone, and then broke my L1 for L4, fracturing them into each other.

0:21:57 - (John Ulsh): That was just the energy coming from the collision.

0:21:59 - (Toby Brooks): Right.

0:22:00 - (John Ulsh): Left foot was stuck on. I'm six two. The end. We were driving an Acura suv. The engine block did what it was supposed to do, but it shattered into my feet. Those Crocs I was wearing were stuck under the engine block. They pulled me out with out of my Crocs. They were in the photos later from the accident report. My Crocs are in the photo stuck under the engine. That stuff wasn't going to kill me. My spleen had ruptured, my diaphragm ruptured, my left lung completely collapsed. When my diaphragm ruptured, my right lung partially collapsed. If, honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that I was a marathon runner at the time, I mean, I was probably 8% body fat.

0:22:39 - (John Ulsh): You know, I just knocked out, you know, 13 miles that morning. I would have died just from the lung collapse.

0:22:47 - (Toby Brooks): Right, Right.

0:22:48 - (John Ulsh): So I was unconscious and coma from all the bleeding. No idea at that point whether I had any head trauma whatsoever. So when I got to the hospital, they just cut me from sternum to pelvis and just started to repair internal bleeding. Right. Remove my spleen, appendix. I still had it. Removed a lot of hollow organs that ruptured and went about for the next three days, leaving me open, just going in and repairing the internal bleeding stuff.

0:23:23 - (John Ulsh): And so after three days of this, they knew the chance of infection was high. So. But I was so swollen at that point from all the blood products and everything that was going in me, they couldn't pull my abdominal muscles Shut. So they just pulled my fascia layer, my skin shut, stitched me up with big blue sutures and said, if guy survives, we're going to have to go in later and try to repair his abdominal muscles. But at this point, we can't leave them open any longer. So they stitch me shut and then they go about fixing the orthopedic stuff.

0:23:55 - (Toby Brooks): In emergency medicine, the saying is life over limb. There's no need to worry about splinting a fractured leg for a patient who's bleeding out. So you triage, you pick the injuries that are the most urgent and you deal with the stuff that's an immediate threat to life before concerning yourself about the other stuff out in the extremities. Problem was, John had been on the receiving end of a 125 mile an hour body blow from the collision of tons of metal, glass, plastic and rubber.

0:24:21 - (Toby Brooks): Paramedics and physicians gave him a 3% chance to survive. They failed to consider his elite fitness and that warrior mentality in those estimates. With the initial risks of bleeding out due to ruptured organs and commonly fatal injuries like a fragment fractured pelvis finally.

0:24:36 - (Toby Brooks): Starting to stabilize and level out after.

0:24:38 - (Toby Brooks): Those first few days, the surgeons turned their attention to his mangled body. While it was uncertain if John would survive the crash, it seemed even less likely that he'd ever be able to walk again, let alone run.

0:24:53 - (John Ulsh): So in order to get my pelvis back in line, they basically put a screw through my left knee, hung weight off of it, and hung my leg off the edge of my bed to pull my pelvis down over the next couple days, you know, to basically the same way I broke my, a lot of arms as a kid. And that's how they again, they put you in these tiny finger traps and just pull it apart, right?

0:25:15 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

0:25:16 - (John Ulsh): All they could do is let gravity pull my pelvis back down. And then they fastened it with six titanium screws on the plates across the front and two big titanium screws in the back. At that time they were like, we're going to see what happens with his back. If it starts healing on its own, we're going to let it go and we'll make a decision, you know, the next couple weeks if we need to go in and fuse this back together.

0:25:39 - (John Ulsh): And so they started to keep me in an induced coma because I was on a ventilator. I couldn't breathe on my own and I was starting to come out of my, my coma, so, So I spent 18 days in, in, in a coma. One of the interesting parts Is when these. The drugs they use to keep you in an induced coma are pretty powerful stuff. So day 17, so my son got out of day 15. So. So my wife went back home when our son got out of the hospital.

0:26:12 - (John Ulsh): And then she couldn't drive. Broken hand and broken foot. So we had family or friends that would drive her about 45 minutes from where we lived to the hospital when she got a call that they were going to try to take me off the ventilator and see if I could breathe on my own. And on day 17, I could not. They put me back. They ventilated me again and put me back on. On day 18, they took me off the ventilator and I started breathing.

0:26:34 - (John Ulsh): So. So she got a phone call that I was coming out of my coma. And so one of my best friends, like, I'll. I'll drive you over. And so again, I. I don't have any memory of this, but my friend used to love to tell this story. So I'd been in a coma for 18 days. I'm in and out of some consciousness that I've been off the drugs for just a few hours. And I'm just starting to come. Come through. And I had this male nurse and. And he apparently says, do you know who that is? And he points to the door frame, door opening.

0:27:08 - (John Ulsh): And my. My. One of my best friends and my wife are standing there in the door frame. And apparently what I said is, yeah, that's my wife. That's the bulldog. 18 days of coma. And so my friend John leans over to my wife. He goes, well, he has no brain trauma. So the very first thing I said out of my coma was I called my wife the bulldog. We'll be back after this quick message.

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0:28:42 - (John Ulsh): So over those next like four or five days, all of these drugs that are kept me in a coma are coming out of my system. I'm paralyzed from the waist down at this point. It took me a day probably to realize I couldn't move my legs. I mean, I'm hooked up to everything, you know, excruciating pain, taking at that time, you know, drip morphine is clicking the button as often as I can click it with nothing coming out except for when it was a time and, and all of those.

0:29:11 - (John Ulsh): So I was, at that time, I was 180 pounds when I, when the accident happened. I was 245 with fluid right inside. All that flu was all that drugs. So when all, you know, if that were keeping me in a coma. So I just had the most crazy hallucinations of like, you know, thatch roofs and being in a spaceship. And at the one point I remember is like, what the hell is that noise? Why is it people screaming out in the hallway?

0:29:40 - (John Ulsh): You know, this is like a fun house. Every time I close my eyes, strobe lights would go because my brain was all, you know, still processing all the, all the drugs. And about day three, I realized that it was actually me screening.

0:29:55 - (Toby Brooks): Wow.

0:29:55 - (John Ulsh): And just didn't know it.

0:29:57 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

0:29:59 - (John Ulsh): And so, yeah, so I, I spent 18 days in a coma. And on day 20, 23rd of December, I left the hospital. Now I was paralyzed from the waist down, non weight bearing for a total of 10 weeks. So eight more weeks of not being allowed to be raised more than 15 degree because of my back and my pelvis. So I thought I was going home. Now I don't live in a home that was handicap accessible. My master suites on the second floor in my house.

0:30:31 - (John Ulsh): But in my mind I was going home. Little I didn't know my wife and my parents and my brother were all working behind the scenes and I ended up having to move into a nursing home.

0:30:41 - (Toby Brooks): Wow.

0:30:43 - (John Ulsh): So at, at, you know, 37 years of age, I moved into a nursing home to spend the next eight weeks laying flat on my back.

0:30:55 - (Toby Brooks): And the mental aspect of that has got to be at least, I mean the physical is daunting no doubt. But the thought of being this healthy, you know, fit, athletic machine, your competitive athlete, everything's going right. And then to wake up and not be able to wiggle your toes or what you can feel is excruciating pain. The mental aspect of that is one that. And this isn't 2025. Granted, it's not the 70s, but mental health for survivors of trauma like this, you just. You learn to deal with it. Right. Just suck it up, just do your best.

0:31:32 - (Toby Brooks): That was.

0:31:32 - (John Ulsh): Grew up in that kind of mentality in a small town also, like, pull up your bootstraps kind of thing. Yeah, yeah. I mean, the other part of it is like, you know, again, I'm paralyzed in a bed. I was on a catheter until I got to the nursing home bedpans. I always make a joke. I had the benefit and the blessing to speak to a lot of nurse AIDS school programs for colleges and community colleges. And. And because uniquely, a lot of them end up in nursing homes. And I got the benefit of actually being in a nursing home and getting better, not going the other direction.

0:32:07 - (John Ulsh): I always thought it was important to get that. That experience of particularly the stuff they don't teach in a textbook about how to take care of patients. And I always joke that, you know, spongebobs are overrated. You know, you know, I am a broken. I mean, again, till I get the nursing home, probably to like the. Maybe the second or third week, because I come in on Chris, like, right before Christmas, right?

0:32:31 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

0:32:33 - (John Ulsh): It's not like all the staff is there. I mean, I come in on a Friday, and Christmas is like two days from there. So it's a Sunday that nobody's there. Whoever is having to work is. Is the lowest on the totem pole.

0:32:46 - (Toby Brooks): Right?

0:32:46 - (John Ulsh): Right. The administrator is not there. And so I'm not getting in at the. At the peak time.

0:32:52 - (Toby Brooks): Right.

0:32:53 - (John Ulsh): And. And I can't literally keep my eyes open half the time. I'm in excruciating pain. People are trying to recognize the fact that it's Christmas. One of the nice things was with my parents and my wife were like, we have all these great rehabs. We can send you down to like, an hour and a half from here, but you can't start rehab, but we can get you in. And I'm like, if I'm just going to lay on my back for eight weeks, put me in my hometown.

0:33:19 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah, right.

0:33:20 - (John Ulsh): Put me where you don't have to drive far to see me, and you can come and be around me. And so that Also meant a lot of people were coming in to see me. I mean, I was not functioning very well at all. I was being told I might never walk again and that I would be in a wheelchair. I'm now, you know, going the opposite direction and getting smaller and skinnier and I just remember being there going, this is just about as bottom as you can get without being dead.

0:33:54 - (Toby Brooks): So many times on this show, I've talked to high achievers about their rock bottom. I've written about it a bunch and I've experienced it myself, but not like this. Previously a college athlete, successful real estate broker, husband and a father. At 37, John suddenly finds himself faced with a grueling physical recovery and a daunting psychological recovery that included a growing dependence on incredibly potent drugs and the reality that he's now unable to move, let alone serve his family.

0:34:26 - (Toby Brooks): For him, it was a pit of desperation. But thankfully, he didn't give up. He realized that he was still done.

0:34:36 - (Toby Brooks): And I want to go there real quick because I've worked with athletes who've suffered catastrophic injury and as a healthcare provider, you always worry that I don't want to communicate that I don't believe in you. I also don't want to fill you full of false hope. If I'm looking and making an informed medical decision, and I'm telling you that, John, you're definitely, you're going to run marathons again and the data doesn't support that, I feel like that's disingenuous. The flip of that is, if I'm over cautious and I tell you I don't think you're ever going to walk again, then that can send somebody into a very dark place.

0:35:17 - (Toby Brooks): Did you feel like that was more of a, a condemnation on your condition or did you take it in that moment as a challenge that you were going to, you were going to shift out of survival mode, into comeback mode?

0:35:31 - (John Ulsh): Yeah, I mean, I, I feel fortunate that one, I had some good advocates there. I, I will always say that my experience in nursing home, from my caregivers to everything. Now again, I'm 37 and the next patient's 70 something, maybe at the youngest, you know what I mean? So, you know, I, I'm coming from a different mind, but I would say that point that you made was a, is, was a large part of my, my story throughout this, you know, the first seven, eight years, you know, within the first week or two. Because again, I'm coming in holiday season, right. So we have Christmas and New Year and, and I'm in screw shaming. Like I would. My. My kids would make me little drawings. I had a pegboard there and they, you know, they would hang the pictures up there, right? Little Christmas pictures. I can remember just staring at a green thumbtack, just waiting for the next time that someone can come in and give me narcotics.

0:36:25 - (John Ulsh): Just, you know, people would come and talk and I wouldn't have remembered they were there. I. I didn't sleep, so I just doze off in the middle of nothing. However, you know, one of the, the things that I immediately adopted in my mindset was that if I'm going to be in a wheelchair, that my kids aren't going to push me in a wheelchair. I don't know. The. It happened a few times in. When I first got into a wheelchair and it was because I couldn't push myself on carpet hard enough.

0:36:57 - (John Ulsh): And so I had side rails on, on. On my debt. Technically, that was a whole other issue. Like nursing homes. You're not supposed to restrict anybody. We were able to show them that my mother used to be administrator nursing homes. She was like, no, no, no, we can put them on. Because I couldn't. The only way they could change sheets or move me is to roll me side to side. I couldn't be moved, but I had them tie stretchy bands to my rails.

0:37:26 - (John Ulsh): And I would spend hours while I'm sitting there just pulling on stretchy bands doing triceps. I was like, if I'm going to be a wheelchair, I'm not going to lose all my upper body strength pushing myself. You know, they would. I would have therapists come in and use slide boards to try to help me, you know, if I flat my back. But they try to help me move my legs. Within the first few weeks, I started to get some use on my right leg, but my left leg was the side that was more damaged. The energy came up the left side and. And so I was, you know, I couldn't move my left leg, so they were in there moving it for me just to like keep atrophy from, from setting in just with a slide board and a pair of socks. But yeah, the stretchy bands became a really like, I'm like, I've got to do something. Like. Yeah, you know, when I could get in a wheelchair, I was like, roll me to the therapy room and stick me on the cable machines, right? I'll sit there with. Lock my.

0:38:19 - (John Ulsh): Lock my fraking wheelchair between them and I'll just sit there and do chest exercises, you know, until I can't move anymore.

0:38:27 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah, I always say I don't want to be a year older, I want to be a year better. In your case, you're going day to.

0:38:32 - (Toby Brooks): Day, you're not just getting a day.

0:38:33 - (Toby Brooks): Older, you're getting a day better and you're starting to see progress. Like you said, some function in the right returns and the left is kind of coming along. At what point did you feel like I'm going to make it through this? I might not ever have life like I did before, but it's not going to be catastrophized. Like perhaps it might have been early on.

0:38:57 - (John Ulsh): So when I ended up in the nursing home for those eight weeks I had already been through having like fluid in my lung where they had to go in and again they couldn't roll me in a ball because my back broke. And so I, they rolled me on the side and shoved the needle between my, my ribs to suck the fluid. I mean it was like I went through a lot of stuff that I, because of me being broken, I couldn't do it any other way. Like I couldn't be moved. So, you know, a lot of the testing that after I was out of my coma just to check everything else or again getting the fluid in my lung was kind of, you know, had to be done a lot more violently than they probably wanted to.

0:39:38 - (John Ulsh): Somewhere in that nursing home I kind of realized I wasn't going to die. Now somewhere in the nursing home I started wishing I would have died. So it was a, you know, it was a mental hurdle. But when the realization, because I again I had to be transported back over to Hershey Hospital to Penn State in an ambulance at least once, twice a week for other follow up or I was just spending my time lying back in a nursing home.

0:40:03 - (John Ulsh): So, so, you know, it became obvious that, that this I was going to survive. So what quality of my life was going to be was, was still, you know, to be determined and nobody was really going to know till I got the rehab. I felt blessed that I didn't have head trauma. I mean that was a, a lot of doctors, therapists were also like for the type of injuries that I had and the know the amount of time that my heart stopped. Like there was a lot of right issues that could have happened besides just the sheer collision related to my brain, just the fact that my heart had stopped, that I was technically dead for a period of time and there was a lot of, a lot of oxygen related concerns with the lungs collapsing.

0:40:51 - (John Ulsh): And so I, I mean my brain was as sharp as it can be for somebody taking a ton of narcotics for pain.

0:40:59 - (Toby Brooks): Right.

0:40:59 - (John Ulsh): And being, being sleep deprived.

0:41:01 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

0:41:02 - (John Ulsh): But I think again, back to like, who believed in you? Who doesn't believe in you? I told everybody, like, you know, it was a year like this past year where Thanksgiving was really close to the end of the end of the month. So like Thanksgiving was that Thursday and the accident happened on Saturday. So it was, you know, end of. And, and every year I'd run this 5K Turkey Trot from our YMCA hometown. And I think I ran that one that year at like, like four 48 mile pace. I was moving.

0:41:34 - (Toby Brooks): Wow. Yeah.

0:41:37 - (John Ulsh): I was 36 year old and I said, oh, I'm running next year. I'm running next year. And no one wanted to tell me you're not running next year.

0:41:44 - (Toby Brooks): Right.

0:41:44 - (John Ulsh): But nobody believed I was gonna ever be able to run a year later. I wasn't gonna be running.

0:41:49 - (Toby Brooks): Right.

0:41:50 - (John Ulsh): I will tell you, a year later I did it on a walker with two buddies holding me up and it took me an hour and eight minutes.

0:42:00 - (Toby Brooks): Wow.

0:42:01 - (John Ulsh): And I did stop along the way, not only because I needed to, but also there were people cheering and I posed for pictures. And that's still not a bad.

0:42:10 - (Toby Brooks): That's about my 10K Pace brother. And, and I, I have not had 45 surgeries, so no shame in that PR at all. Again, we're talking John Olsh, author of Upside down, motivational speaker, Survivor. Let's pivot. We've talked a lot about the accident. Let's talk about what's come of it. You, you've really, you continue to work in real estate, but your story has become a big part of what you do now.

0:42:40 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

0:42:41 - (Toby Brooks): Talk me through that transition into, wow. There's, there's something people can gain from this. Maybe I need to speak to crowds of people or maybe I need to write a book. Talk me through that season of transformation for you.

0:42:56 - (John Ulsh): Yeah. So. So at, at about two years, a little after two years after the accident, I'm, I'm in still outpatient rehab five days a week, 10, 10 to 11 local rehab down the street. And I'm, I can walk with a cane at this point. A walker is more comfortable if I have to move stuff around and if I have to travel any, like, distance, I've got to be in a wheelchair. But I'm functioning, you know, as a human.

0:43:28 - (John Ulsh): I'm working a lot of times from home and I'm taking 90 milligrams of morphine twice a day.

0:43:37 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

0:43:37 - (John Ulsh): Now I'd gone through fentanyl I'd gone 30 to 60. I mean, we can spend a whole day. This is pre epidemic, you know, And I couldn't find a pain doctor at the time who would. Was going to tell me I didn't need it. And you know, addiction is based off of tolerance as well as, you know, the, the physical need to have it. And so my tolerance just got to that height, that level. And, and so I am sitting in this office, I'm sitting right now, and out the window in front of me is a big front yard and our daughter, who now is 10 big soccer players, you know, even as like an 8 year old. So the next Mia Ham. And she ended up being a very good soccer player.

0:44:19 - (John Ulsh): And so she's. When she's out of practice, she would come home from school and she'd be out there just juggling in the front yard. And so I look up and I see her out there juggling in the front yard. And, and, and then I look up and she's gone. And, and I hear her walk in the front door and she comes into my office and she's crying. So I like call her into my seat right here and I'm like, what's wrong, honey? I just assume she hurt herself. And she sits in my lap, she says, I miss my old daddy.

0:44:43 - (John Ulsh): The one who's come out and train with me.

0:44:46 - (Toby Brooks): Wow.

0:44:48 - (John Ulsh): Now she's the same one who cried, daddy, don't die. She's the same, I like to say. I mean, so I struggled with survivor's remorse. It's. It's legitimately a very challenging thing when someone else is in the same thing and they die and you don't. And, and so one of the few things I was ever told that I thought I resonated I could makes sense with was a friend of mine who happened to be a Presbyterian pastor. And he's like, maybe you just survive so your kids have a dad.

0:45:17 - (John Ulsh): And I was like, okay, that's enough reason to be here. Like, I struggle with why am I here? What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to write a book? Am I supposed to help? Like. And he's like, maybe you're just here so your kids have a dad. So. So now I'm failing at the one thing that, you know, God left me here for.

0:45:31 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

0:45:32 - (John Ulsh): And the next day at 9:45, I go into rehab. Now I'm driving a car. Shouldn't be driving a car, probably, but my tolerance is so high at this point. I walk into my physical therapist and it's probably like my second or third physical therapist at this point. So younger guy, 20s, and, and I look at him, I said, I said, steve, I'm done. So I said, as much as you are trying to push me and work, you'll never push me as hard as I could push myself.

0:46:05 - (John Ulsh): I was like, I was a marathon runner. As an athlete, I spent hundreds and hundreds of hours in a gym. You know, I, I know and, and I'm not, I'm in a small town. I don't have the benefit of, of, of, of a Toby who works with athletes, you know, at universities and professionals who know how to push somebody. I'm in a town where I'm, everyone in my physical therapy is 60, some 70 some years old with a hip replacement or knee replacement.

0:46:35 - (John Ulsh): And, and I don't have access to, I mean fortunately State College, where Penn State University is, isn't the same as the hospital. And so I said, I quit. I didn't tell my wife I was quitting either. And I walk out and I drive down the street like a mile to our local YMCA and I just happened to walk in at 10am which is the same time they do cerebral palsy Adults with special need program with trainers.

0:47:07 - (Toby Brooks): Here we hear John wrestling with a number of heavy psychological weights. Many who've been through trauma have to sort through themselves. The driver of the other vehicle didn't survive. So John's battling survivor's remorse in the midst of a purpose storm of his own. Wondering why he was spared. A pastor friend suggests that maybe he made it through so that his kids could still have a dad. But he's racked with guilt at the realization that due to his recovery, that's flattened out and a growing drug dependency, he's not being much help to them now either.

0:47:40 - (Toby Brooks): So he decides to change course. He makes a decision. In that moment. He drew a line in the sand and said, this is enough. This, his path isn't working. And friends, that's what we do in the middle of a purpose storm. We can either sit in it and sometimes we need to, or we can make a decision. John made a decision. He quits physical therapy, goes down the road a couple of miles to a local YMCA gym. And some might call it luck, others might call it a divine appointment. But either way, he happens to walk in at the exact same time as a special needs fitness program is going on.

0:48:16 - (Toby Brooks): It would be an encounter that would change his life forever.

0:48:20 - (John Ulsh): And I walk in and all I want to do is go to the circuit machine again. I'm just like, can we find something?

0:48:26 - (Toby Brooks): Right?

0:48:27 - (John Ulsh): So I, I walk up to the, to the first machine. It's just a press machine. There's a young man with down syndrome on it with his trainer. He gets off of it. I go and I get off my walker and I slide in and I go to push. It doesn't move, like, doesn't even budge. I'm like, all right, little, little humility. I reach down, move that pin like four plates up and, and I go to the next machine and it's a shoulder press. I don't even bother because I'm not just following this, this 17 year old, 16 year old kid with down syndrome through, through the, I go through four of these circuits and I'm like, this sucks.

0:49:03 - (Toby Brooks): Right? Right.

0:49:04 - (John Ulsh): I'm going over to the recumbent bike. I've been on the recumbent bike plenty of in, in physical therapy when I could finally start to use my legs before that was just the hand bikes, right. And, and I'm like, all right. I get on this machine, I'm next to now some young lady with down syndrome and her trainer. I'm two, three minutes in, set, like a three or four setting. I look over, she's got 20 minutes in, she's got it at an eight and I'm dying. I'm just sweating because I'm in a long sleeve T shirt and, and sweatpants because I was going from physical therapy and wasn't planning to go to the. Yeah.

0:49:37 - (John Ulsh): And so I just leave. I'm back home at my house at, at 11:00am and I left physical therapy at 10, so it didn't make it very long. Right. And I was like, oh, this is terrible. Like, I don't know, I just quit physical therapy. I thought I was going to be able to work it. I'm so not close to where I was. And, and so I call my wife and I tell her and she's like, okay. Says, what are you gonna do? I said, I don't know, I'm not feeling great. She's like, all right, well don't forget to pick the kids up at School 220. I'm like, all right, that's where we are still. I have still the life, right? I still got it.

0:50:16 - (John Ulsh): You know, kids still need to get picked up from school. And so, so that night, this is where you'll, you'll. I think you of all people will start to appreciate this part of it. I go to sleep never very well. I'm taking, I'm still on pain medicine. My back's Broken. I don't sleep great. And, and you know, I wake up at like 4 in the morning and my shoulders absolutely killing me. And, and I wake my wife up and I'm like, my shoulders hurt. She goes, okay.

0:50:48 - (John Ulsh): I'm like, yeah, they, they really freaking hurt. And she's like, okay. I'm like, do you understand? Like, my legs aren't. I didn't wake up. My legs didn't hurt. My back didn't hurt. She's like, she's happy. She's asleep, right? I'm like, no. My shoulder circuit. I went to the gym and I get up the next morning and I proceed for the, for the next two years, actually for that first year, three days a week, 10 o' clock a.m.

0:51:17 - (John Ulsh): monday, Wednesday, Friday, adults with special needs working out. And it was because I finally could control something that hurt.

0:51:26 - (Toby Brooks): Wow.

0:51:27 - (John Ulsh): And the pain that I could control in the gym or pushing myself to try to run or try to do stationary, like that became something that was in my control. And when it hurt, I was like, oh, this hurts because I cooked myself in the gym today.

0:51:47 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah, voluntary muscle soreness. Beats the hell out of involuntary spinal fracture. That won't go away. And you have zero control over. That's so powerful.

0:51:57 - (John Ulsh): And it just bec. It snowballed. I mean, it, it really. And so, you know, you, you know, this is a long way to get to the question, which is how did I. So because I started working out at the Y with these adults with special needs and because our accident happened right at Christmas every year, the, the, the two local newspapers and in our area would want to write stories. Like the first year my wife did all the interview, but again, four of us, we all survived. I'm in a nursing home, but it's a generally feelgood holiday story that our family is all here. And then the next year an update. And the next year I run that turkey trot which the newspaper runs with. That's a YMCA event. The YMCA kind of promotes it. I end up getting like 55 people who show up and somebody ordered T shirts. It says, jogging with John. 362 days. And going. Because it was 362 days since the accident.

0:52:49 - (John Ulsh): And so, you know, that got a little bit of press on Thanksgiving Day. It was on Thanksgiving day newspaper. And so that kind of momentum kind of stuck when I started showing the why. And then UCP was like, well, we should like promote the fact that you're in here working and the why should promote it. And you know, so the local affiliated magazines for Central Pennsylvania started to run, to run articles.

0:53:14 - (John Ulsh): And then someone said, well, you know, we really like you to come speak at Penn State. We'd like you to come speak at Water Reed, the Soldiers. And I was like, absolutely. I like, yeah, I'll do anything to, you know, one, get back to the places the same life. And two, this understanding of somebody can see that I can do it, then maybe they'll find a way forward for themselves. And so that, that kind of thing just started to happen organically.

0:53:47 - (Toby Brooks): Right.

0:53:49 - (Toby Brooks): And that's when it's powerful, though. I mean, so many people enter the speaking space seeking to inspire people, but they really don't have the story that backs up what they're talking. I mean, you've lived this. It wasn't like you entered into this looking for an angle. This was just your story resonated with people and it inspired people without you really being purposeful about it. And that's what makes it so powerful. And that's what I love about it.

0:54:19 - (John Ulsh): A lot of times I'd go to my priest and I'd be like, I need to like, am I doing this for the right reason? Because now, I mean, so it kind of starts to snowball. I get put in People magazine for a little section, just, just, you know, a little, little section of People magazine. Then I end up in men's fitness magazine on a four part, like a four page full, you know, article with somebody from ESPN the magazine who came and wrote the article, and professional photographer out of New York who came and shot all this. And, and then all of a sudden, lots of organizations, corporations are like, you know, this is the middle of the recession for both the stock market and the housing market, right. At this point, this is like 2010, 2011.

0:55:03 - (John Ulsh): You know, they were like, come speak at this company. You'll be the keynote. On the last day. When we just told everybody all the numbers are bad, nothing's great going on financially for us. But you're not this guy. Yes. The other part that really resonates, I was just, I'm not, I mean, as an athlete. Yeah. But I wasn't like a motocross guy. I wasn't a special forces guy or, or first responders who were putting themselves in the line of fire.

0:55:32 - (John Ulsh): I'm just a dad leaving a swim meet with his kids, or we all leave swim meet, soccer games, you know, lacrosse, whatever. Right. It's just very routine. And just like that, my life was flipped upside down. And so, you know, I think for most people, like, people would say, oh, you Know, I got an award one time from Eagle Rare, the bourbon company. They just rare life thing and, and somehow I got a nominated for it and basically the winner got to designate $20,000 to a charity of their choice.

0:56:05 - (John Ulsh): I won and was able to buy dumbbells, brand new set of dumbbells for the ymca. It's great. They're still there. But what was interesting is oh, they were giving you award for surviving. I'd be like, I didn't do anything to survive. God. And incredible surgeons are the reason I'm here. I can take credit for what happened the day after I woke up from a coma going forward, but I really didn't have anything to do with my own, my own survival. A lot of prayer.

0:56:34 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

0:56:35 - (John Ulsh): A lot of good doctors and, and that got me, you know, to an opportunity to decide what I was going to do.

0:56:46 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

0:56:47 - (Toby Brooks): Again, talking to John Olsh, author and motivational speaker, Survivor John, it's been awesome to hear your story. The thing that sticks in my craw a lot is overnight successes. These people who spring up suddenly and you know, their stuff gets pushed out.

0:57:06 - (Toby Brooks): To the world and I won't drop.

0:57:08 - (Toby Brooks): Names, but there are, there are some podcasters out there, there are celebrities who, their stuff's everywhere and then there are guys like you and Lord willing, years behind you. Hopefully I can develop some connection with people like that through that process though what a lot of people don't recognize is it's kind of, it's spiraling. You're continuing to do what you do and you're serving and hopefully it's ascending. So you go from talking to small civic orgs to talking to Fortune 500 companies to having platforms in major magazines and TV networks.

0:57:47 - (Toby Brooks): Then a book deal comes around. So I saw page proofs on your social media just today that the book's coming out. So talk me through the authorship process and what that's meant for you personally.

0:57:59 - (John Ulsh): So it's, you know, so 17 years since the accident. The first part of my book I wrote 14 years ago when I was still on narcotics. I was losing like I went to a wedding of friends. I have no memory of being at it.

0:58:15 - (Toby Brooks): Wow.

0:58:16 - (John Ulsh): When you know, so. So the first part was a diary to my kids and it was me writing my experiences as I could still remember them because I said I had all the, I had an out of body experience so we could spend time like, I had a lot of like things going on at the time that were either hallucinations related to the drugs or they were God intervention. I like to Think it was God. But obviously either way, I needed.

0:58:45 - (John Ulsh): My kids were too young to understand anything other than I was not the same person that I was before the accident. So I started writing for that purpose only. This is just writing on a Word document. This is the technology for it wasn't great. Out of that, people were like, oh, you should write a book. And I'm like, well, I've been writing. And I'm like, I don't know. And so I had an opportunity from a company that publishes fitness magazines and books, and they're like, we want you to write that book.

0:59:16 - (John Ulsh): And I'd already written at that time, 25, 30,000 words. That was just my story about my recovery and sort of where I decided to start working out on my own up through men's fitness. And I ended up doing this thing with Spartan where, I mean, I ended up being sponsored there to do things because people were just like, I'll come do them with you. Just because if you can do them, I'll come. I can do them. Right? That's the always. If that guy can do it, I have no excuses, right?

0:59:47 - (John Ulsh): So it kept, it kept, you know, snowballing a little bit on the writing. And they wanted me to write just running. They wanted to write a book called the Perfect Run. The pun being that I'd never have another perfect run again.

1:00:04 - (Toby Brooks): Right.

1:00:05 - (John Ulsh): And I tried for like a year and I said, I. I can't write what you want me to write. And now I was traveling to Vegas to speak for a one hour keynote that out of central Pennsylvania. Took two, sometimes three days of travel to make it happen. And I was missing now soccer tournaments and lacrosse matches and basketball games to speak. And I'm like, I'm. I'm away from my why again? Like, I'm losing focus.

1:00:35 - (John Ulsh): So I gave the money back to the publisher and said, I can't write this. I told my representation at the time, I will speak if it speaks to me, but I'm not gonna go speak at some corporation that has no value to me at this point. Yeah, you want me to be at a place where there's a bunch of people that need to be motivated because they're injured. Sure, you need me. And by the way, I'll do that for free.

1:01:06 - (John Ulsh): Don't need to pay me. And so I just kind of at like five years after the accident, said, look, I'm running a good real estate team. I'm making a difference in people. I'm writing a blog that I'm getting a lot of feedback from my publisher. Like, stop writing the blog. You're giving away everything. Like, like, we. I can't. Any podcast. Don't exist. Done on any level at that point. And I'm like, all right, I'm. I'm done.

1:01:34 - (John Ulsh): I'll continue to go help who I can help. And when Lifeline calls me that says, we're celebrating our 25th anniversary, we want you to come speak. I'm like, sure, no, Bill, like, consider a donation. I'm coming. But the rest of the time, I just kind of backed it down. Just again, going. I mean, I had 40. I've had 45 surgeries. I've never gone a year in 17 years without at least one surgery. Setback after setback. I was as high as 85.

1:02:00 - (John Ulsh): Chance of losing my leg 12 years ago from circulatory problems. The last 11 surgeries I've had have been at a doctor in Chapel Hill, UNC, who's top vain guy in the country, just trying to keep my leg. So I've had, you know, plenty of setbacks where I would go so far down backwards that I took me months and months to even give myself enough grace to, like, all right, time to start back up again. You, You. You know, you've.

1:02:34 - (John Ulsh): You've spent your time down there. And, you know, I went through rehab to get off narcotics. My choice went. It was through biofeedback. I don't know if you got experience with it. It saved my life from the. From the narcotics. Also has some negative effects that I now talk about because again, you talk about mental health issues. You know, when you're reprogramming your brain to knock out pain and reroute, you know, neurons in your brain for pain signals, that's also where sadness, depression, all the other ones are.

1:03:11 - (John Ulsh): I mean, it's nothing I brag about. I haven't cried in over four, 14 years. I just don't. But I got off narcotics.

1:03:18 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah, I've heard military personnel. I mean, that's a training response. And. And I hear some lament in your voice. Has this process machined me to the point that my emotion has evaporated out? And. And that's a tough space to be. But if the alternative is addiction to narcotics, you have to make it.

1:03:39 - (John Ulsh): Before anybody was like, tell you now you. I'd never be able to even get what. What I got more or less, or the hoops I would jump through today would be dramatic. But to the book's point, I started again when my son, my youngest, went to college, saying, you know what I have more time now. If there's a benefit to me speaking, I'll do it. I'll put myself back out there. I said, you know what, though? I ideally, let me go speak to some men's groups. Let me do a retreat where I get to give back and forth versus me standing up on a stage and just telling you my story.

1:04:19 - (John Ulsh): I felt more value from that. I felt more connected to those men. I was at that time finally spending some effort on my mental health. I mean, we. We started this podcast with the. You know, the Mental Health Effect, and nobody. When. When I. When it happened, you know, a couple therapists would come see me, or when I was in a wheelchair, I'd go to therapy. They're like, you should be more angry than you are. I'm like, why? I mean, there's no point in me. I mean, I've just always been. My mindset, like, all right, yeah, I should be. But I want. I can only feel sad for myself for so long because these kids need a dad, and.

1:04:59 - (John Ulsh): And I can. I just chose not to be that example. That's. Again, I know some of that is just the way I'm wired, and I don't hold it against people who can't pull themselves from that. I get that as well. But to me, it was like, okay, and. And then it's like, all right, just gonna go pull my bootstraps up and get back to work after I'm done feeling sorry for myself. And. And that became sort of my mantra for, like, 14, 15 years.

1:05:27 - (John Ulsh): And then finally I was like, you know what? I'm missing something. My kids know that I spend a lot of time in pain, and if dad's sitting over on the chair and he's not talking to anybody, we don't talk to them. You know, they went through high school that way. My pain tolerance, I could only have so many hours in the day that I can function in. And if the gym and work got some. Sometimes my family didn't get it.

1:05:52 - (Toby Brooks): Right. Right. Yeah.

1:05:53 - (John Ulsh): And so my second part of my book I. I just wrote this year, wrote it. I. I had an offer again, and I was speaking, and people I saw. I got the benefit of meeting some other keynote speakers around the country, people that I started to trust. I'm like, this is how you need to do. Protect your intellectual property, you know, because that's a big thing now. Like, there's people who have deals where they can't use their own intellectual property and concepts in their own speaking because they sold it out in in their book.

1:06:21 - (John Ulsh): Which never thought of.

1:06:23 - (Toby Brooks): Right.

1:06:23 - (John Ulsh): Fifteen years ago.

1:06:24 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

1:06:25 - (John Ulsh): Because I couldn't written the second part of my book like I wrote on these eight pillars that I kind of developed on how to overcome a setback. And they were all things that I was learning as I was going through it, but I wasn't naming it. I learned a lot from working out with adults with special needs that I didn't realize, but which was really just loving the process. Like, they didn't have goals. And I constantly kept building myself these expectations and then being kind of disappointed when I achieved them.

1:06:56 - (John Ulsh): And, you know, and these are just experiences that again, getting another surgery and getting set back again and saying, well, you know, it's so hard to go back in the gym when you're told you for the last eight weeks you can't lift more than ten pounds, so you can barely carry your briefcase or your laptop. And now you're going to start again. And so I had a deal in October, and I didn't sign the contract.

1:07:23 - (John Ulsh): And then in January, I kind of jumped on with an editor, and she said to me, why are you being selfish? I'm like, okay, what do you mean? She goes, your story can, like, I already read your first 30,000 words of just what happened to you. And I've seen your talks and you're, you're being selfish. You think you're. You're trying to. To not let your ego get in the way, but what you're doing is keeping your story from people that should hear your story.

1:07:53 - (Toby Brooks): Man, I needed to hear that today.

1:07:55 - (John Ulsh): I'm like, thanks for calling me out. And I happen to be down in South Carolina at the time and right outside of Hilton Head for the month of January. And that's when all that snow and freezing rain came in and didn't melt, and it stayed. And So I wrote 20,000 more words in 10 days. Two years writing 30,000 words. But I knew my eight pillars. I wrote 10 more chapters, man. And I knew the lessons that I had learned because I had spoken about it.

1:08:32 - (John Ulsh): And I just said, all right, well, how do we create part two of this, of this book and get it to be 50,000 words?

1:08:40 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

1:08:41 - (John Ulsh): And I'd say all the time to my family, to everybody, people who are now reading the final transcripts of it. I'm like, this would not have been my story even five years ago. Seven years ago. What I put myself through on, on the mental health side was really what helped me finally see what I was, you know, that it was there the whole Time. But I wasn't naming it. I wasn't recognizing that, the pattern of it. And so, you know, when I, when I finally forced myself in that, you know, week of snow and a fireplace in front of, in South Carolina, of all places, because it was so cold and a little bourbon that, that I could, that I could write this thing.

1:09:35 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

1:09:36 - (John Ulsh): And, and the story could meld with the history of what happened to us. And then. Okay, what does that mean?

1:09:46 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

1:09:47 - (John Ulsh): What can we, how, how can we really physically take something from this and help people and, you know, point it out to them? Because it's great story for our survival and lots of people can take. Have their own takeaway. And it's interesting to hear what people take away from it when I would just tell the story without telling them about the pillars or the levels of learning. And it was always interesting.

1:10:10 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

1:10:12 - (John Ulsh): You know, what people would find in the story that resonated with them.

1:10:16 - (Toby Brooks): Right.

1:10:18 - (John Ulsh): And so now I have a book that, that I, you know, it's in final edit. It comes out October 7th through Simon Schuster and it's on Amazon and all the places to pre order. But now I'm finding, you know, as you know, this is an art, right. Writing, speaking, talking to everybody is something if you're passionate about it. But then you become a salesman.

1:10:42 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

1:10:42 - (Toby Brooks): And I wanted to get to that. There's two things as you're talking that I have literally been journaling and writing about just this week. And your comments are spot on. They're right on time. The first is the high achiever in me gets so frustrated when I can't just sit down and bang out a new chapter or a new just to create. And I hate the word writer's block. I hate creative block. Like to me, if I have it in my heart that I'm going to get something done, then by God, I'm going to find a way to get it done.

1:11:21 - (Toby Brooks): But there are times when I don't. But the finished product is actually better because of it. So you spend your whole time beating the hell out of yourself because you weren't, in your case, 14 years, but you don't have a finished book. And I don't know about you, but in my case, mine started during COVID And I've spent entire years without writing anything but freighted with guilt the whole time that I'm not getting this freaking thing done.

1:11:51 - (Toby Brooks): It wasn't time to get it done. You have to live, you have to experience, you have to have an opportunity to sit with your thoughts a little Bit. So that's first of all. And second of all, you touched on it. There's kind of this tinge of narcissism that the speaking business is just, it reeks of it and it's like if, if I don't tell my story, who's gonna? And that's true to an extent. But then the flip of that is if I don't tell my story and no one else does, it's selfish. If I really believe in myself and my story, whatever, whoever you are, and you keep it to yourself out of this sense of humility, then you've robbed others of the chance to learn from it. And man, that's a tough balance to strike between self promotion and other centeredness.

1:12:43 - (Toby Brooks): And I don't have an answer for it, but I love that someone that I respect as much as you has had that same thought process go through his mind.

1:12:51 - (John Ulsh): I will tell you what was told to me, and this was from a friend who's a priest. This was 15 years ago, 14 years ago. I reflect all the time and I tell other people. His comment was, to me, in my experience, if you're coming to me and you're asking the question, you're probably okay.

1:13:11 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

1:13:11 - (John Ulsh): If you're, if you're not asking the question, then maybe you are a little bit of a narcissist or maybe your motivation is, is wrong. But if you're constantly questioning yourself and where your motivation is, then you're probably okay because you're least you're, you're aware. Aware of it for sure. And you know, I think that in the end it's, it's again, now I have a book to sell because there's other people that are expecting me to sell the book. Right.

1:13:42 - (John Ulsh): There are other people that, that want me to, to help it succeed. The only thing that I can wrap my head around that feels okay is like, you know, every one of these avenues from speaking to writing the, the old blogs to, to being guests on podcasts, to now writing a book, if I can help one person take one thing out of it, and because of that I made a change to the positive in their life, then, then I should feel good about absolutely the effort.

1:14:21 - (Toby Brooks): You absolutely should.

1:14:22 - (John Ulsh): And, and, and it's this constant, like I was battling it today because today was a big day for me to get some stuff done book related wise. And, and it's this battle with how much to let things pull you and how much to push it.

1:14:37 - (Toby Brooks): Right? Yeah.

1:14:38 - (John Ulsh): And, and when people don't respond back to your like Someone sends you an email and says, I really want to get involved with this and I want to, you know, we want to do this. Oh, we want to bring in 100 books to our company. And then a week later you haven't heard back from them yet. Do you pick up the phone or you call them and say, hey, just touching base, or do you kind of say, well, let's just come to me. Like, I know it's a, it's a challenge. It's. Yeah, I got a second book in me right now that's that the only thing really holding me back is, is the process that I'll go through. See how it feels in October when, when the book comes out.

1:15:16 - (Toby Brooks): You set me up perfect. That's my next to last question here. The name of the show is becoming undone. And sometimes it can feel like we've come apart. In your case, physically broken in more ways than your surgeons could count. Other times it means psychologically not knowing what's next. But then other times it means I've got a purpose left unfinished. What does that phrase mean to you? And what's left in the tank for.

1:15:41 - (John Ulsh): John O. Yeah, I feel like I'm in this season of kind of shifting back into the speaking as much as I enjoy speaking, you know, in a, in a keynote type of event, if I can. One, I do a little coaching. Right now I have five clients. Ten's probably the max I can give them in or any given week. But I like the one on one experience. Like I, you know, I think I mentioned you before we jumped on here. Like, I like having the ability to kind of dictate what the conversation is and keep being organic and moving it, which is hard to do for keto or, or Ted Talk. I did Ted Talk in this year and 15 minutes, like, really hard to.

1:16:35 - (John Ulsh): For a message in 15 minutes.

1:16:37 - (Toby Brooks): Right, right.

1:16:38 - (John Ulsh): As you know from books, like, you get a chance and then the book kind of has its launch and then it, whatever happens afterwards through sales is, you know, maybe you have a second coming. Maybe, maybe the book becomes more popular 10 years after you wrote it than it was when you wrote it. But it's really just that that season, I like the process that I have to go through writing it. Like I'm a journaler as well.

1:17:04 - (John Ulsh): And so for me, until I really got into therapy, my therapy was writing. It was, it was right. It was comforting for me. When I wrote the second part, I allowed myself to not be positive the whole time. You know, the first time it felt like I had to Be this positive person in everything that I do. And then I started to realize that people don't need, people don't need to hear it. All positive. Because nobody's lives are all positive.

1:17:32 - (Toby Brooks): Right.

1:17:33 - (John Ulsh): Everyone, everyone's Facebook life is not as good as, you know, better than their real life. And yeah. So, you know, I, I think I want to find ways to either do intensive one days, two day retreat where we can make real strides with like, you know, my whole focus is we all have set facts and adversity. Right.

1:17:54 - (Toby Brooks): It.

1:17:55 - (John Ulsh): We all have them in our lives. They could be health related, they could be relationship related, they can be business related. The tools that I used to get myself to the level that I'm at are, are the same as everybody. Because we're all going to have these rides up with falling down. Yeah, we're going to fall down over. We're all going to have this paralysis by analysis problem. We're just going to, you know, we're just, just going to do nothing because we don't know how to start.

1:18:23 - (Toby Brooks): Right.

1:18:24 - (John Ulsh): You know, I always say you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be intentional. Like if you're not intentional, you just don't move.

1:18:31 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

1:18:32 - (John Ulsh): And, and the really big one for me is like falling off the process. Like in anything we've ever done as athletes or anything, anything related to some success, it, the goal no longer stays the goal. It really becomes the process. It's where you learn and it's, you know, if you're an athlete and you don't love practice, you're never going to be great.

1:18:55 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah, right.

1:18:56 - (John Ulsh): I mean, it's the sweat in the gym, the time with your teammates, the, the opportunities to, to really grow all come in, in, in, in, in the process. It's not in winning something, you know, and then all of a sudden you want the finish line to go farther or you want the goalpost to be farther away because you don't want to win. You just want to stay in the process. And when you find, when you can find something that brings you that kind of beauty, then, you know, you no longer. Now you have real success. Not now you're really achieving.

1:19:35 - (John Ulsh): And so for me, I just don't want to fall out of that process. Like, it's always easy to go backwards. Like status quo is the hardest thing in the world, especially as you age. Right. Like to stay in the status quo of anything is really hard. You're either generally going forward or backward. Right?

1:19:50 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah.

1:19:50 - (John Ulsh): And you know, I would say my, the only thing I never want to do is be back in a wheelchair. I can deal with a lot of stuff. I don't know how to deal with that.

1:20:00 - (Toby Brooks): Yeah, powerful sentiment, brother. I appreciate your transparency and your vulnerability. I think a couple of things, we Gen Xers are kind of raised to keep that stuff to yourself. Like, you don't share that. And then we men are, you know, the whole stoic and just suffering through and not. Not drawing attention to yourself. Kind of goes back to what we're talking about, that distinction between service and narcissism.

1:20:24 - (Toby Brooks): I don't want to put all my struggles on, you know, everywhere for everyone to read, but I also don't want this fake curated version of who I am that. That never mentions my setbacks or my adversity. So lots to think about there. Last one. I always ask this of every guest. If we were to watch a montage of your life, what song would you want playing in the background and why?

1:20:50 - (John Ulsh): I do know that one. Woods Brothers, Luckiest Man. Actually, if you on.

1:20:57 - (Toby Brooks): On.

1:20:57 - (John Ulsh): On my Instagram right now, if you. I can now kind of attach a song to it. Yes. It's the song that. That's there and it's. It's been out for a long time and I can remember listening to it in the car on the way, driving my kids to school. And I don't know, it resonates with me because, you know, people always, you know, say how blessed I am, how lucky, and I believe it, but, you know, it's. It's not all.

1:21:19 - (John Ulsh): It's not all perfect by any means.

1:21:21 - (Toby Brooks): Yep.

1:21:22 - (Toby Brooks): Well, John, thanks so much for joining me. I really appreciate time. And we went. We went a little over, but that's okay. Just rich discussion. I really do sincerely appreciate the chance to connect with you.

1:21:34 - (John Ulsh): This is John Ul and I am undone.

1:21:44 - (Toby Brooks): John's story is a powerful reminder that purpose can arise from pain and that service often becomes the sav for our deepest wounds. His journey from trauma to transformation, it's more than just inspiring. It's instructive. It shows us how giving back can rebuild what was broken and how we can lead not in spite of what we endured, but because of it. Whether you're navigating your own season of struggle or looking for a shot of perspective, I hope John's words offered you both some clarity and some hope.

1:22:15 - (Toby Brooks): I'm incredibly thankful to John for dropping in today, and I hope you enjoyed our conversation.

1:22:20 - (Toby Brooks): To check out John on the web, be sure to go to johnulsh-unbreakable.com or instagram.com johnalsch his new book, the Upside of Down is available for pre order.

1:22:31 - (Toby Brooks): Right now on Amazon. I'll leave the links. Simply go to undonepodcast.com ep128 to see the notes, links and images related to today's guest, John Ulsch. I know there are great stories out there to be told old and I'm always on the lookout. So if you or somebody you know has a story that we can all be inspired by, I'd love for you to tell me about it. Just head on over to undonepodcast.com go to that nav bar in the top, click contact and drop me a note.

1:22:58 - (Toby Brooks): Coming up on the show, I've got.

1:23:00 - (Toby Brooks): More conversations to dig deep and how high achievers can bounce back and build better, including my wrap up of our multi part docu series examining the life, the lessons and the legacy of Coach Dick Tell me and after that we'll.

1:23:12 - (Toby Brooks): Hear the story of college basketball player.

1:23:14 - (Toby Brooks): Turned athletic trainer and growing social media influencer Jacqueline Emery. You may remember back when Jacqueline's husband Dustin was on the show. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a moment. This and more coming up on Becoming Undone. Becoming Undone is a nitrohype creative production written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. Tell a friend about the show and follow along on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn at becomingundonepod and follow me at tobyj. Brooks on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.

1:23:51 - (Toby Brooks): Check out my link tree at linktr EE backslash. Tobyjbrooks listen, subscribe and leave me a review. Those help more than you know, so that would be awesome if you would on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio or wherever the heck you get your podcasts. Until next time friend. Keep getting better.